The Whirlwind...

It's the end of the year again and it's time to do a stockcheck... It's been almost one year when i received an sms from one of my friends wishing me a happy new year but also telling me something like this year would be a difficult year for me but God will see me through... i took note of it but at the first half of this year, i didn't quite take it seriously.. after all, God gave me John 10:10 for the year.. that Jesus came to give life and life abundantly.. and the first half was spent enjoying that abundant life.. in my studies, in my spiritual life, in eating an abundance of food.. :P and i was really cruising through all those blessings... So much of it being a difficult year huh...

Then sometime this year, i read the book of Acts and after a scene of persecution, the apostles were charged with telling of the full message of this new life... and then through a lot of things that God brought along my way, i learned that this abundant life that Jesus came to give is also filled with an abundance of testing, suffering, trials, etc... muahahahaha... God has recently impressed upon me to read the book of Philippians and Paul writes there that he wants to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings.. haha... we can't separate suffering from the Christian walk.. it's part of our portion together with righteousness peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.. :)

We need a change in perspective... the book of Philippians is a book about crazy people.. it's a book about a bunch of suffering people who probably know the joy of the Lord more than any other New Testament church.. it's also a book about having a radically different mindset and perspective from the rest of the world... i recently prayed and told God that i really wanted to know the joy of the Lord.. and guess wad... can you imagine true joy coming in the midst of suffering and trials?? muahahahaha... i was telling JK that the entire adventure with God is a painful but fun experience.. it's certainly thrilling.. my middle name by the way is Buenaventura which means good adventure.. and really my walk with God is anything but short of a roller coaster ride..

We need the change in perspective cos many times, our own mindsets keep us from seeing Jesus... Because many times we want Jesus to come but when He does, we don't see Him cos He comes differently from the way we expect Him to.. The abundant life is also filled with an abundance of testing and when we confess that He is a God who can do immeasurably above and beyong all we can ask or imagine (Eph 3), we would never have asked or imagine that the abundance of blessing He bring us is heavily disguised under the fires of affliction!!! Muahahahaha.. we need the mind of Christ to see and to understand what's going on and not to simply judge it as it seems to us with the natural eyes... many times, the afflictions that come have been ordained by God to move us into faith and prayer, beyond our natural circumstances and beyond where we have insofar touched in God...

Earlier this year, i kept on seeing whirlwinds.. and i knew that meant the winds of change where God would do such a work and we'll never be the same again.. recently, i kept seeing them again... but after what God has brought me through this year, He has dealt with enough of my mindsets for me to be free of certain things that obstruct me from having a clearer perception.. so with my vision somehwhat clearer, recently i saw a whirlwind again.. i think it was the same whirlwind that i saw from the beginning of the year.. but this time, i could see clearly enough to see Jesus in the midst of the whirlwind!!! Hello... what a surprise! It didn't hit me until yesterday to know the full implication of what this means...

Haha... wow! surprise... here we go crying out, "Draw me close to you!" "Take me deeper!" "God i want to know you more!" "I want more of You Jesus!" ... Little did we know that drawing closer to Jesus would mean drawing closer to the whirlwind! haha.. surprise surprise! it was almost as if Jesus was right in there smiling and waving at me.. :P Many times we ask seek and desire Jesus to come but what if He doesn't come the way we expect Him to? What if He comes to us disguised in a whirlwind? we need the eyes that see, ears that hear and hearts that understand what He's really up to... cos the whirlwind will leave your life changed, never the same again.. it may leave your life, environment, circumstances topsy turvy... and as you draw closer to the whirlwind, it's gonna tear you.. it's gonna rip apart your flesh until the core of who you are is exposed and you're left truly vulnerable.. muahaha.. "draw me close to You".. and then we're one step nearer the whirlwind... does it blow your mind away? Does this mess with your mind? Cos when we draw closer to Jesus and the whirlwind comes, it messes with our mind and we're never left the same again.. our perspectives change and we see things differently! It destroys our mindsets and messes up our Little-Miss-Perfect life and leaves us... crazy. I mean seriously! When Isaiah encountered God in His glory, he was left undone!

One of the things that God dealt with me this season was my perfectionism... haha.. and it had to go.. cos perfectionism meant self-reliance which is an enemy to relying on God... muahaha.. and He's not done yet.. and we cry "more of You, Jesus" "i wanna draw closer!!!" and then we find ourselves even more closer to the whirlwind! Surprise! muahahaha.. our walk with God sure is dangerous.. but it sure is fun too! :)

And God taught me several lessons from Job... Job was in his own near perfect world, having his own near perfect form of religion, etc... but God allowed satan to bring in the affliction and he was tested... after that period God appeared to him... in a whirlwind! (Job 39) God spoke to him out of the whirlwind and gave him a reality check.. Could Job subdue the great beasts like the Leviathan or the Behemoth? Who was Job to justify himself against the God of creation? And Job had to repent in dust and ashes... Job himself confessed... at first he had only heard of God.. but after the trials of affliction, he has seen Him for himself... Early this year, i've been asking God for the double portion and i've been talking about it.. Do you know that Job only got his double portion after the trials of affliction and after the whirlwind?

We need to see with God's eyes... Remember that Job's household was destroyed through a great wind that satan sent?? If Job had looked at God's whirlwind with his own natural eyes in Job 39, he might have blamed it for causing the death of his family... but he was so humbled and his mind so dealt with in his affliction that he had the gace to see God in it... we, too, need to recognise the difference between satan's wind of destruction and God's whirlwind of conviction that brings that much-needed change, wakeup call and reality check in our lives!

"Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Job told his wife.. many times, our view of the abundant life becomes restricted to blessings and living the "good life" that when adversity comes having been ordained by God, we blame Him.. Or maybe we scream "spiritual warfare" instead of submitting ourselves to the high fires of God.. in our culture, we never run out of anybody or anything to blame except ourselves.. that's why we need His perspective, His reality check, His mind.. even as he brings us through the high fires to deal with our religious mindsets...

"perfect" Job had his "perfect" life ruined through the affliction.. including his religious record cos he ended up justifying himself instead of God... and later he finds that he's not that perfect after all... after he recognised his dependence on God, he was brought to the next level.. and that speaks of our promotion.. but little do we know that the next level can only be reached through the whirlwind and through the fires of affliction... Inorder to promote us, God first has to test us!

Job opened his mouth and became negative when he sursed the day of his birth.. do you know that when you start cursing, the more you dwell on a negative, the more you're stuck in it and it drags you down deeper and keeps you from seeing God clearer. But it shows just how much un-aligned Job was with the purposes of God before His reality check and trials of affliction... cos if he knew the plans of God well enough, he wouldn't curse the day of his birth.. cos the day of his birth represents the day his spark of destiny is born.. and God saw that sometime down the road, Job was going to be a deliverer, a blessing to many and God had a plan for Him, a destiny and a purpose to reach out to many people... if we start getting negative, we lose sight of God's purpose in the affliction.. Blessed was the day that Job was born cos it was the day that God brought someone into the world to lead other people to Him.. and blessed was the day of his affliction for it was only through that affliction that he could be aligned with God, His mind, His plans and His purposes to better steward his call and destiny.. and God used that affliction and that place of utter ruin and devastation to bring Job to a place of promotion... Job received an encounter with God through the whirlwind, his perspectives changed and as God dealt with his mindsets, Job was able to see Him and recognise Him...

having said all that, God wants to deal with our mindsets so we can see Him more clearly.. we pray "I want to see You" and His answer might be "Yes, son/daughter! Step through the whirlwind!"... and through it all, it's a journey that probably barely just begun... i thank God for bringing me into this season that He did! For so dealing with me and continuing to do so.. for grinding me, crushing me, humbling me and continuing to do so that Christ may be formed i me and that i come through by His grace and be able to better steward the purposed of His Kingdom... That's how God is so real to me.. that's how His Kingdom and His power is so real and it becomes more and more real each day that i walk with Him even in my everyday life.. And that's how His Kingdom is formed in my life...

The later part of this year has really been a roller coaster ride.. I thank God that in His wisdom and mercy, many times He doesn't answer my prayers the way i expect Him to... But despite the pain and the affliction and the adventure, i still cry for more! "More God, more of You! More of Your fire!" "I wanna draw closer" "I wanna come deeper"! He might respond "But you know that would mean having to draw closer to the whirlwind." But i don't care! i want Jesus and if Jesus is in the whirlwind, i want to go through the whirlwind! How many of us are willing to be a generation of radical laid-down lovers willing to go through the high fires in our pursuit of God? God's not done with me yet.. and it's probably gonna get harder.. but oh well :P certainly through it all, God has and will show Himself faithful through and through!

Deep calls to deep...
Into the next year

Chris=)
Dec 31 2007

These past few days...

There was some petty thing which was bothering me last friday... seriously, it was a small issue but i was just so bogged down by it.. and guess wad i decided to do? I decided to worship! Haha.. and guessed what happened during worship... the Holy Spirit was showing me all that nonsense i was in in treating Him like a drug.. it's something that's so prevalent much in today's "feel-good" Singapore Christianity and i wasn't spared from it... what happens is that: (1) Christian encounters problem (2) Christian mulls over it for a while until (3) Christian decides to worship to feel better... Worship then becomes a means to a selfish end. Why do we worship when we worship? Is it merely to feel good or feel better about circumstances around us? Or do we worship to bring God a simple sweet-smelling sacrifice? It all boils down to our intentions- whether we just want to make ourselves feel good or whether we want God to feel good, truly wanting to bring an offering before Him.. Many times worship becomes diluted and amidst the noise of sounds, are selfish motives are masked.. so there and then i had to repent before God for being so selfish and using worship to merely get high... We need Him to realign our focus and our minds and show us why we do what we do.. when something so seemingly holy is actually rooted in very selfish motives...

Went for revival meeting on saturday evening and the Holy Spirit so dealt with my heart during worship and the time after it... The sermon that Pastor Au preached during revival meeting was so timely and so relevant for me... when Jerry started praying for me, Holy Spirit came and i started crying as He started to work in my life deeply. And although i dun think he knows it, much of what Jerry prayed was actually prophetic and relevant to the issues that i'm facing in my life...

I heard the phrase "deep calls to deep" and i saw a picture of lilies which represent holiness... and i know God is calling me to a consecrated walk before Him... that not only the decisions i make at the start of the path should be holy but rather the entire journey, my walk, wherever i go and everywhere my foot treads every day.. and it's not easy man.. but as i live it out, i'd know the power of His presence and His holiness everywhere I go...

Before the sermon started, this thought just came through my mind but i didn't really have the chance to share it with *someone*.. the thing is, wherever we are and whatever we do, we are a voice and our actions speak.. we are either a voice for God or for the world.. for God and His value-system or for the world and the things that it treasures. and we are a voice cos it's reflected by what we do and how we live by... the daily choices that we make.. we're walking billboards, advertisements in this pathway of life and time for others to see.. they're watching us whether they're conscious of it or not and we're constantly publicising, releasing a message whether we're conscious of it or not.. but who's voice are we speaking for? Are we living out the voice of God or the world? Cos these things are reflected by the things we desire and chase after, the way we spend our time and what consumes our thoughts and passions every waking moment... There's no neutral ground.. we cant just be a blank slate, a blank billboard.. but we can choose who's message we're putting up.. through even the smallest of decisions that we face in daily life... It's time we live our lives differently from the rest of the world.. It's time we live out His message through our lives... It's time we let God speak... :)

Then yesterday, i went to church early cos i was supposed to lead worship for CC Worship Sunday.. and guess wad.. the Holy Spirit was around even before the session! While we were practicing and the musicians were just riding on two chords, Holy Spirit came so strongly and left me again shaking violently till i fell down and started rolling on the floor... den i sensed that the angels of God came and surrounded us and i saw the mercy seat of God right there... personally, i feel that God is calling me deeper to intercession.. so we ministered to the children and a number of them responded.. though i kinda felt weird to see that divide between those 2 groups- the ones who were ready to go on in God and the ones who weren't and were merely spectators as Holy Spirit moved in our midst.. the question is how do we minister to both.. and that's something that i'm not quite used to.. but i thank God that He moved so powerfully nonetheless.. :D Really great to see Him move and use the children in the area of prayer and intercession.. i've seen a bit of their development from cc prayer retreat until now and their prayers come in much more spontaneously and i bear witness with some of those things they prayed over people yesterday.. :) And thanks to all those who were part of the worship team for being so willing to come early and be part of what God was doing! You guys are fantastic.. :) Hope that those youth who went up yesterday were just as challenged to move forward in God as the some of the children were! :D

Went for dance prac after that and den went to eat lunch with everyone at Thomson Plaza.. first time i tried the oyster omelette at the food court there and it was seriously not bad! :) i liked the chilli too.. :) after that walked around for a while and watched Alvin and the Chipmunks in Yishun... i wasn't really hungry after that so i watched JK have dinner and as we talked about ministry and what God is doing, i received some downloads from God and a lot of what He has been speaking became clearer and as we shared there, i just felt that through that simple time of fellowship, there was something alive in my spirit... it's really different when you're with frens just talking or when you're with frens talking about God and having true spiritual fellowship.. it builds you on the inside...

Hope i don't waste the rest of my holidays away... :D

New Shoes

Yesterday i was in town with Alex and Joshua and i was looking for new shoes to wear... So we walked around and to cut a long story short, Alex and I ended up in Taka at the Royal Sporting house in the basement.. They had an assortment of shoes there on the shelves and i was looking for a pair of sneakers that were not too expensive. The attendant drew our attention to this simple looking pair of high-cut vans sneakers that were on sale for around 30 bucks... and when i saw the price i wanted to buy it cos it was so cheap.. the thing is that it looked so simple and i wasn't sure if i should spend some money on a pair in the first place... i told myself that i'd just take a trip down 77th street and get a pair of white shoelaces to make that simple shoe look more interesting.. but anyway, i went to ask God whether i should buy that shoe or not.. and i felt that i shouldn't...

Anyway, we walked down to Far East and went to 77th street... i ended up buying the white laces there but guess wad.. i still wasn't sure whether to buy that pair at taka... i've been looking at shoes all day and somehow i just coudn't really find any that caught my attention (you know those kind that when you see it, you'll know it's the one to get...) Alex had to go off so i accompanied him to the bus stop and i went back to taka thinking and praying if i should still get that shoe... cos deep down inside i wanted it cos it was cheap and i wanted to get a pair but somehow, i still felt that God was saying no... Yeah i know it's crazy for me to but the white laces without first having obtained the shoe..

So i went to taka to that shop again and the shoe was still there.. i looked at it, i scrutinised it and i hanged around it, still hoping for that little check, that little inner witness in my spirit saying that i should go ahead and buy it.. but somehow i still knew the answer was no.. i was still hoping God would say yes.. so guess wad.. i struggled and i prayed some more.. i sat down to pray about it but deep down i really knew that God didn't want me to buy that shoe though i wanted a new pair... so i decided to make my way home...

As i was walking from taka, i was still not sure cos i really really wanted to get myself a pair of shoes and the ones that i saw were quite cheap though they were only mediocre.. so i stopped walking, sat down again for a while and contemplated it all but guess wad.. the answer was still no... then somehow, i felt a prompting to go to the adidas shop at wheelock and check out the shoes there...

i had my doubts about going to one more adidas shop cos i've been to adidas shops the whole day.. at bugis, at cathay and at taka.. and none of them really carried what i was looking for.. moreover, adidas was kinda ex and i'd rather not spend so much on a pair.. and the one at wheelock was so small.. surely even if they had a selection, there wouldn't be much to choose from?? cos i've been to the bigger adidas shops and they didn't carry the kind that i wanted.. so i doubted that a small one like the one at wheelock would... but despite all that, there was still no harm going.. so iwent t check it out...

When i entered the shop, i didn't see anything that caught my attention at first... among the sneakers that they carried, i've seen most at previous shops which didn't interest me.. then i popped by the tennis section and i saw this pair of tennis sneakers.. i looked at the price and it wasn't very picey! I tried it on and very soon, though i wasn't completely sure whether to get them or not, i decided to buy them anyway.. the voucher that JK gave me got me a further discount so i only had to spend slighty more than 55 dollars on that pair.. and i think it was a good buy...

After i got that pair of shoes, i went on my way and i was going like "ok God... should i have gotten that pair?? Maybe i should have saved that money instead?? ok God.. if really i shouldn't have gotten that scold me now..." But strangely enough, deep inside me, i felt a peace that bypassed my mind.. it's like the peace of God which transcends all understanding.. it was almost like a confirmation that i did get the right shoe... and from this incident, i learned several lessons from Him...

-that many times, we think we want something but God has something better for us
-that many times, we look for what we want in the wrong places instead of allowing God to show us
-that many times, our desires lead us to the wrong place where in fact God has something better waiting for us elsewhere...
-that sometimes, God needs to work a death in us.. that we die to our own desires so that when we follow Him, we can lay hold of the better things that He has in store
-that sometimes we don't immediately see that it's better, maybe cos we're looking at the wrong things or at the wrong place but when God aligns our perspective, we'll see it too
-that many times, our over-religious mindset can blind us from the good things that God wants to give us and more than that, prevent us from enjoying them if we've already gotten them
-when God says no, we can either become bitter or better, we can either choose to disobey and suffer the consequences of obey and reap the exceedingly great benefits
-that God wants to deal with our minds and break the mindsets that we have that prevents us from experiencing Him and His blessings to their fulness...
-God can give us increasingly and abundantly beyond all that we can ask or imagine (Eph 3) but it only comes through obedience.. obedience prepares us to receive the blessing.. :)

God bless! :D

Lessons

Here are some of the lessons that God has been showing me recently:

-we always like to talk about accountability and yes, i believe that there's a place for that in our lives.. but God has shown me through an incident that much of what we call accountability is actually motivated by the fear of man.. like for example, when we get ppl to check up on us and we end up doing good just so that we dun end up being pai seh when it comes to reporting... and that's a wrong motivation altogether cos its more motivated by fear rather than by faith.. it's more motivated by saving face rather than a true and genuine love for Jesus that produces the fruit of obedience in our lives.. there is, however, a true accountability when we open ourselves and our struggles to others and allow God to bring in the healing... but accountability must not become and end in itself...

-God wants me to put my trust in Him.. cos many times when i pray i rely on my feelings and when i don't really "feel" Him, i start to fear and i start to doubt whether He's there or if my prayers are making any sense.. But God wants me to trust Him knowing that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.. :)

-It's amazing how Jesus actually spoke to Peter and told him that he would deny Him... can you imagine someone giving you a prophetice word saying that you would betray the Lord?? But Jesus also prophesied of Peter's restoration... it shows God's amazing grace.. many times we feel that we've let Him down in one way or another.. but let's remember Peter and how even Jesus told him Himself that he was going to deny Him and how He told Peter of a time beyond that where he would strengthen his brothers.. Likewise, there is a time beyond our failures where God would redeem our past hurts and mistakes into experiences and testimonies that would strengthen those to whom He brings us...

-I've been meditating on the treasures of darkness (Isa 45) lately and apparently, the wise men giving Jesus the 3 gifts is also symbollic of the treasures of darkness.. Jill Austin was saying how the wise men were pagan sorcerers and yet they honoured Christ with these gifts they would have otherwise used for their secret arts.. likewise, God wants to redeem all those hidden giftings, talents and treasures in the lost to glorify His Son. I also believe that these 3 represent the treasures that God will be working into us as we go into the purging fire of trials that He brings us through...

-I was impressed by another thing that i heard from Jill Austin's messages.. When Jesus went to the cross, it represented the seeming death of the prophetic word.. Mary and the other disciples thought that Jesus was literally going to be King of the Jews, that He would be a conqueror establishing a physical kingdom and upheaving the Roman-backed government.. but at the cross, it seemed as if it was an end to that.. it looked like an end to Anna and Simeon's prophecies, an end to what the experiences of Mary with Elizabeth and Gabriel foretold of... but Mary and the disciples did not understand that through the cross, through what looked like a death to the prophetic word, God was actually bringing His will to pass.. Likewise, the prophetic words spoken to us may seemingly die as we enter a period of darkness and of trials and testing.. But in reality God wants to bring a death to our false mindsets through which we see those precious prophetic promises and through the trials of darkness, He uses them to catalyse and birth us into our prophetic destinies... amazing huh..

-Another thing that impressed me when Jill Austin was preaching about Esther was how the favour of God protected the prophetic word.. Esther entered into a pagan king's palace, into a place of darkness where she would be part of his royal entertainment.. but God's favour protected His plans and destiny over her life that even at the place of extreme darkness, the prophetic word was alive and not overcome... likewise, God's favour and faithfulness will protect every word that He has spoken over our lives regardless of every circumstance that works and wars against it.. if we're gonna lose, the promise, it's gonna be by our own choice and stubbornness cos He'll do everything He can on His side to ensure that they be fulfilled.. now that's comforting... :D

God bless! :)

Activities

It seems like there are so many things that have been going on in my calendar this holiday season that its kinda hard to stop to find time to take a breather.. that's why it's only today that i really got time to blog...

18-21 Dec
Sojourners Camp (see my previous blog post)...

Saturday 22 Dec
Childrens Church Christmas Party: practised for Christmas day worship in the morning and there was even such a freedom in the atmosphere... then stayed back to help out a bit for the party.. not many people showed up.. there was a lot of food though.. i think i've been eating a lot during this hols...

Sunday 23 Dec
Went up to CC during service time... den went to suntec after that with serene, ele and abel to watch National Treasure.. haha... quite fun.. then went shopping after that..

Monday 24 Dec
Was painting lightbulbs almost the whole day.. was listening to Jill Austin message CDs while i was doing so and the Presence of God arrested me again in the living room and He ministered to me again as i was crying and groaning before His presence.. He's just so awesome... In the evening, went to meet my mom at Marina Square and we had dinner together... finally got to try out that new Filipino restaurant there.. it was good :)

Tuesday 25 Dec
Christmas!!! Went to church early to prac for keys.. thanks everyone for all the presents!!! When the speaker was preaching, seems that everyone was so restless and couldn't wait for the service to end... :P rayson noted the progression i made from giving out candles to lightbulbs and suggested that next yer, i give out flourescent tubes.. :P everyone else went to watch national treasure after that.. jk, alex, serene, martin and i went to stephen's house to watch a jap movie... den we went to jk's house in the evening to watch another movie after making a pit stop at that automated dvd rental machine...

Wednesday 26 Dec
Went out with Joshua and Alex to watch i am legend.. the cinematography is nice lah but it isn't really that much of a "feel good" show... den we went from bugis to orchard to buy some stuff.. and from that entire shopping experience, God taught me an interesting lesson which i'll probably blog about in another post...

Thursday 27 Dec
Here i am blogging!!! Finally some time to breathe and reflect on what's been happening.. woke up relatively early to check out my exam results on the online portal and frankly i was kinda disappointed cos my cap dropped a little and i got A- for all my modules except for english for which i got a B-... i was kinda hoping that this sem would pull my cap up beyond 4.5 lah.. but oh well.. i thank God anyway for seeing me through my studies considering how hectic this sem was and how i struggled with so many things.. what i got in the end was still alright.. i need to learn to be contented with whatever God gives me.. but through it all, He's still faithful! :)

Friday 28 Dec
Tomorrow there will be company dinner where i would get to step into RI again after a really long time... hope to meet some of my old friends and batchmates again..

Saturday 29 Dec
The badminton outing that we were planning had to be called off cos most of the courts have been fully booked... we're supposed to have dinner as an LG instead before revival meeting in the evening.. but i'd be free anyway cos all my dear LG members are out of town..

Sunday 30 Dec
I'll be leading worship upstairs for CC worship sunday... i pray that GOD will move so strongly in our midst and show the children, the teachers and the youth that He's real...

Monday 31 Dec
Watchnight service... again, we have more food... :)

hmmm... first time i blogged about future dates on my calendar.. :P

Sojourners Camp 2007

I really enjoyed myself during this year's sojourners camp... all the way from the planning to the execution of it.. haha.. And i'm really thankful for lotsa things..

-Thank God for Jon Jr and Abel who made planning the games so fun... and Jon's really organised and responsible as the Game Master so everything went in place and in the proper order...
-Thank God for Serene and Rayson who ran the camp really well...
-Thank God for the group leaders who displayed their marvellous potantial in looking after people...
-Thank God for the Aunties who cooked the meals :)
-Thank God for the SA boys and how God ministered into their lives...
-Thank God for all those who helped clean up that great mess we made with the conflagration of green beans, tuna, butter and mayo splattered accross the floor and the chairs... :D
-Thank God for the great weather!!! The amazing race wouldn't have been so fun as it was without it.. when i was watching the clous at Lower Pierce, it started drizzling a bit but i saw that the clouds were dark all over the place except for the areas we were playing at!
-Thank God for enabling me to worship and lead with the guitar.. cos it was the first time i was doing that among the youth and i was glad that even in my own practice times, the Holy Spirit was around.. I thank God that He gave me the ability to reach those notes that i did cos i was worship leading in the morning and you know how it is when you try to sing with that morning voice.. :P
-Thank God for the Camp Comm, the worship teams, the Pastors, the Parents, the Sponsors, everyone who helped out in one way or another.. :)
-Thank God for His Presence and all the freedom we had when we prayed for the people every evening after the day has ended...
-Thank God for His strength in enabling me to sleep late and wake up early...
-Thank God for all the people around who just made it sooo fun.. :D
-Thank God for His wonderful presence, being with us and seeing us through it all! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Lessons that I learned from God personally during the camp:

-During the times of worship preparation, God was already present in the sancturay and i would usually enter into a time of intense groanings and travail before His presence.. it was just awesome... on the first night, God showed me golden vessels... He wants us to awaken to know who we truly are.. cos God has created us to be those vessels but many times, we don't live like how we created.. we don't live according to the value that He has assigned to us as vessels of honour.. we live lives below that, caufght up in sin, distractions, etc... But God wants to awaken us to who we truly are and what we're created for so we can live our lives accordingly...

-I also saw a picture the statue of liberty and whenever i see that, it usually means that God wants to bring liberty to us.. He wantst o set us free from all the things that hold us back...

-Felt that God was saying "It's time for a garment change" He wants us to live our lives differently, functioning differently from how we did in the last season.. this change will be accompanied by a change in mindsets and value systems so that we will truly start to live for Him and not for ourselves...

-God also spoke to me personally out of Psalm 32 and Isa 55.. He was showing me how my prayers have mostly been out of structures that man has invented and He wants to change that so that i operate according to the heavenly system. He's shown me how little my prayers have been about Him. My prayers need to be more centred and focused on Him and who He is and not just my confessions, petitions and circumstances...

-God spoke to me out of Isa 53- "a bruised reed he will not break"... Cos He's giving me the assurance that as i come to Him broken, He's still a God who wants me back with Him. He's also telling me not to see Him as I see myself... The Holy Spirit was also showing me something about confession... when we confess our sins to Him, it's also a release for Him and He chooses to forget our sins also cos it grieves His heart.. sometimes, we may think that although we confess our sins, He still keeps track of them, waiting to arrest us at an opportune time.. but that's not true.. He chooses to forget them cos holding onto them also brings pain to Him...

-I feel that we need to stop relating to God intellectually... we need to relate to Him personally on the basis that He's real and that we have a personal relationship with Him.. cos He's not just a string of words we find in a book of pages.. but He's a real Person! And i feel that it grieves Him if we relate to Him intellectually and not personally.. If we really wanna get real with God, we have to know, believe and live like He's real and have the faith to know that He is and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him... :)

-God was teaching me to talk to Him... like when you talk to a friend, you dun just pop him a question and then sit and wait for hours in deep silence waiting for a reply.. although many times, God does that, He also wants to relate to us conversationally.. that we don't have to wait in silence and in earnest meditation just to perhaps hear a slightest word from Him but He is near.. He is in our hearts and in our mouths as we confess the Word of God...

-God was showing me all those times that i was groaning during worship preparation was a form of bridal intercession.. Just as Jesus longs for His bride, the groaning was an expression of our longing, the Bride's longing for Him.. and it's a form of intercession cos it's a groaning that calls for the destruction of every stronghold and hindrance that proves to be an obstacle to that relationship, anything that might come between the Bride and the Heavenly Bridegroom...

-If we want our lives changed, we have to allow God to change the way we live our lives...

-God was teaching me a lesson from the auction...There were many times when some groups would end up bidding for items that they ended up not liking... and they would bid extraordinary amounts for them like the wang wang, tuna and the tabasco sauce... And many times in life we pursue things that are really not so valuable, spending a lot of time, energy and resources building up on things that don't carry an eternal value... cos many times our eyes are veiled and we become deceived into thinking that something so temporat is actually so important... another lesson that God showed me from the auction is that many times, we allow others to dictate the way we live our lives cos we allow them to determine how much we're worth, what they think of us, how popular we are with them or not.. and as a result, we suffer rejecttion and a lot of unnecessary hurt.. but we have to learn to see ourselves as how God sees us.. that's where we get our identity from, not from the labels that others impose upon us...

-on that note, it's important for me to talk about what happened to an important piece of paper that i valued.. on the third day of camp, our group members wrote on our camp booklets some words of encouragement, etc.. i didn't get mine so i got a piece of paper for them to write on instead.. i stuffed that paper in my jacket pocket and after camp, my mother washed my jacket before i could have taken it out! I valued that piece of paper cos it contained a lot of encouraging words from people... but God was still trying to teach me that lesson of not cleaving onto what other people have to say about me.. whether it's good or it's bad... everything good i've ever did was all due to Him anyway so why should i get caught up with what other people have to say??

There's so much to be thankful for that i've probably missed out a number in this post... but i really thank God for the lessons that He taught me and those times when i felt close to Him.. like how He was dealing with me and i was crying even when i was watching the video on the 2nd night... really thank God for being there and showing Himself so real! :D

CC Camp

Havent updated in a really long time.. i've been kinda lazy to update but also there 's been so many things going on that i didn't really have time to do so.. oh well... so many things that i'm thankful for.. let's start with CC Prayer Retreat from 10-13 December...

Not many people went but we really had a fantastic time in the presence of God... Really cool to see how God would just come down and touch the kids in His own special way... The camp was really relaxed lah.. we didn't have to pay for our meals cos Auntie Ivy got sponsors.. on the first day we were supposed to take a trip down to MacRichie for a picnic so prior to that we were at AMK Hub shopping for picnic stuff.. apparently it rained heavily so we were stuck in church.. so in the end we laid out the picnic mat at number 11 and had our picnic there... :P Oh.. and it was kinda hard getting the girls to sleep every night cos they would be talking away... haha.. ended up telling them some stories before they went to bed.. :P

During one of the sessions, i saw a whirlwind again.. whirlwinds usually refer to the change that God wants to bring about for that season.. there were certain things that i felt God was impressing upon me during one of the sessions and even while praying for them... on the last night, i felt that God was sending angels to the young intercessors that we needed to anoint them with oil and commission them... then i sensed that the Holy Spirit impress upon me how there would be a permanent open heavens in that place and how many people are going to come from all over to see what God is doing in our midst...

On the last night of the retreat, Auntie Ivy got them to pray in tongues corporately.. then she challenged them to pray louder than her.. in that moment, the children lifted up their voices and prayed in the spirit loudly.. i was walking around the room at that time and the Holy Spirit came down and i started shaking even as laughter started bubbling out from my spirit.. i fell on the floor and started rolling around without anyone praying for me or laying hands on me at all... usually i only get these kind of experiences at glory encounter but during the retreat the presence of God was so strong... Auntie Yang Meng lined them up in a circle with Auntie Ivy inside so they can pray/release words over her.. after that session, they were kinda tired so we decided to postpone the rest of the practicals the next day...

So the next day, when it came to my turn to have everyone prophesy over me, i was really expecting God to do something... so they gathered around me in a circle with me in the centre and i lifted my hands to God.. then they started praying in the spirit and at first nothing seems to be happening.. so i was thinking "eh.. how come nothing seems to be happening ah..." hehe.. but that moment is just like that little pause just before all the action starts.. suddenly, i sensed 2 angels come to me, one to my right and the other to my left.. and i started shaking violently and spinning around and around where i was.. and it was like the angels were spinning me around almost like a whirlwind... it was kinda fun really... the children now had to stand in a wider circle.. then they spontaneously released a few words to me which i needed to hear.. and so did Auntie Yang Meng, Auntie Ivy and Auntie Lee Noi.. i was quite amazed at the things that they said cos a lot of them were a confirmation of what God has already spoken to me... they released a lot of words so after the camp i made sure i jotted down everything i could remember... While Auntie Ivy was praying, i could even feel and sense the heat and weight of the anointing resting upon my shoulders...

Really thank God for how blessed i was through the camp... and even during those times of fellowship with the aunties.. like when i was talking to Auntie Lee Noi and i really felt refreshed doing so.. and really thank God even for Jeremiah who planned the amazing race around his estate during the second day... i felt like i was having more fun than the kids were.. hehe.. thank God that He revealed Himself even to the kids.. how many of them heard from Him.. including Sophia who just received new tongues during the camp...

God is moving, ya? ;)

my response

i just wanna write this to the person who tagged my board with a link to a site questioning the existence of God... i've taken the liberty to remove your tag from my board not cos i wanna run away from a different opinion or anything but cos i dun want my other friends vising that site from mine.. from my perspective, i could debate the claims made by the author and the examine them and still arrive at where i stand now in my faith, but some of my friends may not be able to do that so i'd rather save them some confusion which they might have...

yes, it's possible to debate the claims but i won't go into that.. cos at the crux of it all, it's not just about some theory or theological dogma that proves whether God exists.. it's whether He's real... and He's certainly real to me.. He's told me things about others that i later found out to be true.. He's even told me things about myself hidden in the deep recesses of my heart that i was surprised even to hear.. and yet i know that they were true.. no theological dogma can do that to you.. i've read briefly about the "jug of milk" example and the difference between God and a jug of milk is that God still speaks and God still works directly.. you won't hear a jug of milk saying "no" but i've heard God say "no" to me on a number of things cos it was in His wisdom that i don't go in that direction.. and many times i disobeyed cos i rationalised that "it won't be so bad" and ended up suffering the consequences.. sadly, many Christians don't believe that He still works or speaks directly today... they have some form of piety believing in a system, but not in a Person...

But i have a friend.. my God is a Personal God.. His Name is Jesus.. and He listens.. He has His own will, makes His own choices and decisions and lets me know about them.. He doesn't leave anything to any natural consequesces but allows everything to fall in order.. my obedience to Him is completely voluntary (though it's not as perfect and there are times i don't obey) but it is also out of love cos i know He loves me and won't ask me to do anything against my own good even if it seems painful at first... one of the recent examples in which i let Him down is in staying on to read the site that you gave me in the first place.. cos i have a friend, the Holy Spirit.. He's a Person, not a vague being, force or spiritual question.. and He lives in me.. and when i started to read that site, i know that He's grieved... it's not the voice of my conscience cos the voice of my conscience is more cruel cos i tend to be so hard on myself... but His voice is clear but gentle...

Like yesterday when i was in church and something happened and i was momentarily sulking because of it cos i didn't like what i saw someone doing.. The Holy Spirit spoke to me saying "don't judge Me by My people"... Many people get victimised by the dead religious dogma and overbearing leadership in certain churches.. or perhaps by previous experiences with Christians.. perhaps they may have been victimised by a form of control or manipulation... and some are at diferrent levels of having been transformed by God compared to others.. we're not there yet.. but that doesn't mean God isn't either...

I'd like to leave you with this Pascal's theory which i read in a magazine yesterday... If God doesn't exist, and we live like He doesn't exist, we have nothing to lose... If God doesn't exist, but we live like He exists, we also have nothing to lose.. in fact, we'll have something to gain by following family values, etc.. If God does exist, but we live like He doesn't exist, then we lose big time.. But if God does exist and we live like He does exist, then we have everything to gain.. :) i guess that shows us how important it is to consider the question of God huh... to me, He does exist and He's showing Himself more real everyday... if you'd like to know more, you can email me at christian_russell@hotmail.com...

God bless! :D

On Perspective

Being a history major, i'm exposed to different perspectives on different issues and situations.. like for example, seeing World War II from the perspective of the Allies, or from the perspectives of the Axis powers, or from the perspective of the victims of war, etc... Many people view an event from different angles... like how you can describe a football match from what you see as a spectator, or from being the radio commentator or from being the football player.. and even among players, they have a variety of perspectives... the striker's view is different from the midfielder's view and so on.. just as the game would look very different from the perspective of the one who scores the goal to one who doesn't.. but guess what it's all the same game!

And many times, things get really complicated. Have you ever been in a situation where everyone has their own way of seeing things, their own way of doing things and everyone wants to go in different directions cos they have diferent interpretations? And how many times, many people claim that they have the "right perspective" and go around condemning/convincing others to try to adapt to it. And after a while, things get downright complicated and irritating...

So the question arises: Who's view is the right view. Only one answer: God's view. Cos He sees everything, knows everything and knows all that has happened, is happening and all that is going to happen. And many times, the simple way to solve life's seemingly complicated problems is actually to just adapt to His perspective, gain His insight and move with it. God has given us the Bible- His Word and His counsel. God has given us the Holy Spirit to guide us. But many times we don't turn to these for guidance... we turn to our friends, we turn to self-help manuals, we turn to our own wisdom or lack thereof to solve problems that we're facing.. even when we do hear out what God has to say, many times we'd rather not follow cos many times we think our own way is better... and as a result, we get into even greater trouble...

God's way of seeing is the best.. but many times, even those who claim to see what God sees argue among themselves.. that's why it's important to receive the full counsel of God cos we know in part and prophesy in part and everyone just has a small piece of the entire puzzle.. but some people become so obsessed with their small piece that they think it's the only piece and they have the whole thing. That's why there's safety in the multitude of godly counsel...

God has been showing me how many times, i've been so quick to judge, quick to condemn and quick to decide by my own limited perspectives.. and many times, it has landed me in trouble and caused me to hurt other people.. but i wanna live differently.. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. His ways are higher than my ways.. but i wanna abide in Christ cos in Him, i have access to and i can live in the higher ways and the higher thoughts.

Having said all this, what i really wana drive home is this: if we're facing so many problems and issues and we're being bombarded with a confluence of noises in our lives, let's take some time to pray and seek God for His perspective. Cos that's the only one that's important. God's history books will last for eternity. He's in control no matter how much evil we see around us. His plan in history is still unfolding and we must learn not to judge or see by temporary circumstances cos what we see is not finished. He makes all things beautiful in His time. In the end, it will be perfect, even as He uses our light and momentary afflictions to launch us into eternal glory. He even redeems our mistakes, our past hurts and scars and He can even use them and turn them into something beautiful. God is not limited by our ordinary thinking. And in the light of past present and future, we need to know that God is faithful cos our momentary troubles and confusion will not compare to the place of glory where God will eventually bring us. We need His eternal perspective to move through dificult situations. Jesus does not judge by what he sees with His eyes or decide by what He hears with His ear but He does so with righteousness and justice (Isa 11)... And His perspective must always be our point of reference, just as how we take a compass to guide us or a landmark to determine where we are. We need Him to show us where we are in life... and there can be many landmarks or perspectives to measure ourselves by, many people, events, measures and opinions by which we can judge or measure ourslves. We can see success from the world's eyes or from God's.. but what will count for eternity? We can measure ourselves by other people's standards but there are many and we will only get confused having to choose the "right one". But we have to judge, decide and live by what really matters.. that's God's Word, His truth, His eternal wisdom and full counsel. It should be the life that sustains us and the sword by which we divide the sacred and the profane, the spiritual and the carnal, what is good and what is best, and what is best from what is God's... If we live by His truth and perspective, we'll be able to see the deceptions in our own hearts as well as other's and we'll be able to guide them through... It' the light that shows us the way.. and as we walk closer to the Light, we'd realise how much darkness we've been in.. and as we keep our eyes on that Light, we are changed from glory to glory...

So the question is whose perspective do we have and live by? Have we depended on ourselves and the futility of our own thinking? Or have we allowed the deceiver to blind us and keep our eyes from the Light of truth? If we know what is truly valuable in this life, we'll learn how to live by it and pursue it... no matter how much it may cost us...

God bless! :)

The Lost Message of Creation

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities- his eternal power and divine nature- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made... Romans 1:20

The Bible tells us that everything we see in creation, in nature is a message to us of who God is, His glory, His divine nature.. and it really got me thinking why people spend so much time and money going to great art museums like the Louvre, etc.. just to see paintings of nature while they can view God's divine masterpiece right through their eyes when they look at the real thing. It makes me wonder why men are so obsessed with copies while God has given us the original, His work of art, revealing a part of Himself to us. It makes me wonder why people spend so much time and money preserving and collecting these works of art while many couldn't care less about preserving the real thing; civilisation has been built at the cost of the natural wonder of God's creation.

And while mankind has been called to steward the earth, to steward God's creation, it also means mankind has been called to steward the revelation of God through creation. But the question is whether we have the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the heart that understands its message. For one, a flower is just a flower. For another, a flower is a revelation of God, His love for beauty, His ingenuity of design, His greatness of power to give and sustain its life, His creativity in manufacturing its uniqueness compared to its own kind, and His love and providence for something so small, fleeting and seemingly insignificant. Creation points us to the Creator. But many times, we take creation for granted. It becomes an end in itself, instead of pointing us to God.

The way that mankind treats creation thus reflect on the way it treats God. Mankind uses creation for its own selfish ends just as how many people use God to do their bidding. Like even how many Christians only pray when they need something from Him. People become so concerned with today's consumer culture, accumulation of things and become so busy with their work that many have no time to stop, think and gaze at the significance of God's gift of creation, just as how many also don't have the time to stop and think about God and appreciate His wonder and beauty. Many go to God not to appreciate Him but to use Him.. and blame Him when He doesn't work the way they expect Him to. More precious than creation itself is the revelation of God that it comes with. When we start seeking the things that are really precious, we'll have God's heart, God's eyes.. His way of seeing, His love for life and His way of doing things... then, our lives will fall in the proper alignment to His proper order.

God bless! :)

Take my Life and Let it Be

Yesterday i was on the bus and i was just reminded of this hymn.. i first heard it when i was a young kid listening to songs from those Psalty casette tapes.. and it became my favourite song from that particular one.. Yesterday, when i reflected upon the words of this song and started humming it before God, the presence of God came down in the bus and i started crying and tearing in His Presence.. and i was praying as the Lord began to speak into my heart through the song.. the first line goes "take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee" and i realised how i haven't been living my life consecrated before Him, how i've been living my life in compromise... the words of the song were really deep and they impacted me... seems like the Lord likes to ambush me on the bus.. good thing there were not many people and i just kept my head down and pretended i was sleeping.. :P well you don't have to have music to have the presence of God.. you don't even need your ipod to stimulate you to worship... you just need the Holy Spirit and a willing heart to worship Him.. you don't have to be in church just to experience His touch, or even have some hyper preacher lay his hands on you.. you can worship God and experience Him anytime, anywhere! :) Here are the lyrics...

Take my Life and Let it Be

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord to Thee
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love
At the impulse of Thy love

Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee
Take my voice and let me sing
Always, only for my King
Always, only for my King

Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would i withold
Take my moments and my days
Let them flow in ceaseless praise
Let them flow in ceaseless praise

Take my will and make it Thine
It shall be no longer mine
Take my heart, it is Thy own
It shall be Thy royal throne
It shall be Thy royal throne

Take my life, let it be
Consecrated, Lord to Thee...

Mindsets

Havent blogged in a really long time.. exams finished last thursday... yaaay.... haha... i just wanna blog something that is sort of a continuation to my previous post regarding the new thing that the Lord is doing, and that it allowing us to see from a new perspective.. earlier on this year, the Lord was showing me the whirlwinds that would bring about changes in our lives.. little did i know that i would go through them too and that once we're through and the Lord alters our perspectives, we would come out seeing things very differently and acting and reacting to them very differently...

Like how the Lord used a small incident today to show me lotsa things that He wanted to work in into my life.. when i got onto the bus. i was praying and the Lord began to deal with me, showing me how insecure i was and how much i needed some form of affirmation from an external source and how much it affects me.. like from one little incident, He could reveal so much that was going on in my life... once God changes our perspectives, we'll go through situations and view them differently.. we'll begin to ask ourselves the question of why we do what we do, why we say what we say and why we act how we act... very soon, when we want to assess a situation or evaluate how good/bad an event turned out, we won't go around blaming others but we'll first check ourselves, even as we allow the Holy Spirit to search our hearts and reveal to us the condition of our hearts.. That's how we grow..

One of the areas in which the Lord was speaking to me recently was regarding the area of my perfectionism... The Holy Spirit told me "Do you know that perfectionism is a mindset?" and when He said that, my eyes were open to the truth that many times, i want to be perfect and i measure myself against that absolute standard instead of simply measuring myself according to what God requires of me.. there's a difference.. and that's why many times i end up feeling guilty at making mistakes/failing.. cos i see things from that perfectionist perspective... and it also means that once my own expectations of being perfect is met, then i don't need to depend on Him already... which is a bad thing cos God always wants our dependence on Him, not on ourselves...

And many times, the way we see ourselves and judge ourselves is the way we see and judge others.. cos the Bible says that with the measure we use, it shall be measured unto us.. The Lord has been dealing with me on this too.. cos many times, i see other people from this perfectionist mindset too and i become judgemental and critical and negative.. but when God sets us free from these mindsets, then not only are we free ourselves but others around us will be free too and we'll be able to be a more effective blessing to their lives.. we'll know the grace and nature of God ourselves and be able to administer it to others, even as we are able to see Him more clearly..

satan wants to distort our perceptions.. cos that's the way we end up seeing God.. Romans 1 says that God's divine nature and qualities have been revealed through creation.. so satan wants man to pervert creation so that their image of God becomes distorted.. we see an image of God through our parents.. so satan wants to corrupt our relationships with them and perceptions of them so our image of God becomes distorted.. but we have a high calling.. man is called to steward the revelation of God cos God gave us creation through which He reveals Himself... but creation is just a shadow of His glory.. as great as it may be, cannot contain everything that God is cos He's far greater! if that is such a great and awesome responsibility, what more the fact that we as Christians are called to steward the revelation of Jesus Christ who is the very expressed image of the invisible God??! That's gotta blow our minds...

The bottom line: the way we see is important, the way we see God, others, the situations around us is important cos if we are tuned rightly to God, everything can be the media by which God broadcasts Himself to us... Many times, we are led astray by the things of the world which is just plain deception.. it's all just futile and meaningless.. i'm not really that old but i kinda gone through a lot and experimented here and there.. but i realised it's all deception.. even the "cool" things that suppose to make you happy or the "not-necessarily-bad" things like food clothes and shopping.. i realised how futile they can be... we need eyes to see how they are really meaningless compared to the revelation of who God is.. and that is what we'll be able to take into eternity.

Another truth that God was highlighting to me recently was when i was praying for a greater capacity to know Him.. and He was showing me that He has already given us the capacity.. but we don't see it, we don't live in it.. why? cos we live in a box.. we box Him up.. we box ourselves up.. and the walls of these boxes are made up of perceptions and midsets that are not in line with the truth.. outside of these boxes are darkness.. they're darkness to us while in fact, they can be the life and excitement of our walk with God.. he has given us the power to experience to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that we may be filled to the measure of the fulness of God (Eph 3)... So mu question is this... are our midsets limiting God and what He can do in and through us?

These mindsets gotta come down...