Broken Laptop

Interestingly on Friday, Alvin sent me a message.. he had just taken a look at my laptop and discovered that the hard disk had died and there's nothing he could do to fix it... i had passed it to him a few weeks back.. i was unable to boot it and get it running and i was wondering if he could do something about it... and interestingly enough there was a back story on how it all happened...

that evening, i remember watching some online drama on my laptop.. it's something that i've been quite accustomed to... just lying down lazily on my bed with the headphones on, watching online movies or detective serials... sometimes, enjoying it along with food... and of course this could take up quite a good while of my evenings.. and mornings too since i'm on holiday... well that evening, after finishing an episode, i then proceeded to go and watch another one... then something happened and my laptop crashed...

then i tried to switch it back on and then it couldn't boot at all.. i tried it several times... tried changing boot sequences, etc etc.. but still nothing happened... and then fearing the worst, i tried to go about it "spiritually" and i prayed for God to make the laptop functional again.. and i received the most unexpected and sobering response...

"I am a jealous God"

And that brought about a mixture of reactions... it surprised me.. and to some extent, it also kinda frightened me.. The truth is, i've been indulging in all that entertainment at the cost of my walk with God.. i haven't been spending time with Him like i used to... in fact, i spent a disproportionately greater time indulging in entertainment than i did seeking the presence of God... i rather enjoyed watching shows more than spending time with Him, etc etc... i knew there was something wrong with my spiritual walk already but i still decided to procrastinate my time with Him... until the end of the day when I become too sleepy to even give the Lover of my soul the leftovers... even if i did, it became nothing more than an institutionalized monotonous ritual than genuine spiritual communion! When God reminds us that He is a jealous God, it can only mean one condition on our part... we often disguise it with excuses but the Bible calls it idolatry...

And so God had to zap my pagan altar in order for me to rebuild His altar in my heart... Perhaps God went to such an extent to shock me so that i would remember this lesson and that He would finally have my attention. And the lesson didn't entirely sink in till weeks later... God is merciful cos He kows that i still have my PC and that's what I'm using now to post this... Well does God need to go so far to catch our attention? He will if He has to since He loves us so much... If He doesn't at all, then we'll be in such a deplorable and pathetic state that God won't even bother with us anymore... Alvin so kindly volunteered to help me replace the hard disk but i guess I'm in no hurry to get it back...

What scares me even further is that when He zapped my laptop, i even dared to ask Him to resurrect the idol.. i asked Him to somehow boot it again- so that i can continue indulging in entertainment and drifting from Him! How blind i was to His purposes! And many times we treat God like a coke dispenser or something, merely to supply us what we want... we conveniently place Him at the back of our agenda or priority list while we spend what we get on idolatrous pursuits... like when we spend lotsa time preparing for exams and we forget to spend time with Him and even neglect going to church.. and then later we even dare to pray and ask Him to help us score well! Idolatry! like when we spend time using His glorious, holy giftings to building up our own personal ministries and egos instead of understanding and cherishing His love which elevates us supremely beyond where our ego can take us... we end up making requests of Him that are so out of His will that we become blinded to our own selfishness and to His aching desire to meet with us!

God is a jealous God who loves us with a jealous love.. and if it doesn't get fixed, i'd gladly take my broken laptop as a badge of honour and proof of that very same love... sometime we, likewise need to be broken in order for us to experience more of Him!

may i not forget this lesson!