Claire Bennet

Last Thursday when i was on my bed praying at the end of the day, God showed me a vision... and in that vision, i saw a girl riding a horse.. i looked to see the girl's face and i realised that she looked very familiar.. as if i had seen her somehwere before.. as i saw her face, i realised that the girl was Claire Bennet from Heroes!!! I continued looking at her face and i saw that she seemed kind of distraught... and she was looking around, as if looking around for something...

I began to think that my imagination was playing tricks on me... cos it's not really that conventional to see images of pop culture in visions (then again, God isn't exactly what you would call conventional)... but deep inside, i released a plea to God for guidance and the Holy Spirit almost instantaneously began to give me the interpretation for it and it has something to do with His emphasis for my life this particular season regarding the fatherhood of God...

As i saw Claire looking around and looking sort of distraught, the Holy Spirit told me that she was looking for her father.. and that she represented the church.. and how God wants the fathers in the church to rise up... God was telling me how about how (like Claire) the church is invincible... even as the rising youth movement in the church is gonna be invincible... she is a symbol of the youth, the young people of our generation... who's riding fast on a horse.. the generation which is fast rising up in the plans and purposes of God... but she is looking around for her father... even as God wants to make Himself known as Father to this generation, i believe that He will raise up the spiritual fathers in the church who will take care of this fast-growing youth movement.. The fathers in the church need to rise up to take care of the younger generation, to listen to their heart and listen to their cries and love them unconditionally, even despite and no matter how different they may look from the previous generation... They need to give comfort, provide assurance and support... stand behind and back up the next generation as they grow in their giftings and anointings and callings that God has placed over their lives... every dream that God has put in our hearts.. We need the fathers so that we can understand ourselves... God wants the fathers to rise up and give direction so that the younger ones can be all that God has ordained for them to be, fulfilling their destiny in the high purposes of God and for this end-time generation...

Mission Trip: 24-28 May 2008

Ok... goodness... it's been almost a month since i actually went for the trip and i still haven posted anything about it... you can view the photos at alvin's albums here and here... i hope i can recall all the interesting things that happened...

Day 1
Woke up really really early, not because i was really really brimming with a sense of expectation (though i was)but i think it was cos i haven quite finished packing since the night before... plus the fact that uncle peter was fetching us early to go to the airport cos our flight was really really early... auntie yim toh called me when i was shaving and i still havent changed yet.. she told me to bring my stuff near the cc cos they were about to come over soon... i had the impression that they were on their way and would be soon parked there waiting for me so show up so i sped to quickly get myself ready, grabbed my keys, said goodbye to mom and off i went.. it turned out that i didnt actually have to rush cos it took a quite few minutes more before uncle peter's van showed up...

Ate bk with alvin, his parents, amanda and dot... den off we went.. while waiting to board the plane, my worst suspicions we confirmed! I had brought along with me the wrong keys to the padlock i used for my duffel bag!!! And inside of it was some of our logistics stuff! Haha.. nevermind, we'd settle that problem later... spent a good part of the day travelling, Alvin brought his "Manga Messiah" comic book with him.. its the story of Jesus in the gospels mangafied by Christian manga artists.. it was really amusing.. even Auntie Ivy was sooo intrigued by it that she borrowed it from Al until such a time that she should finish reading it... Anyway, it was my first time travelling to philippines using jetstar.. and my oh my let's just say that it was really different.. the seats were closer together and.. okok.. stop ranting..

Anyway, we made our way there and when we had to make the connecting flight from Manila to Iloilo, i had to switch my register again and forced by circumstances, i had to speak in my (what some would call weird-accented) tagalog.. to cut a long story short, we ended up where we were supposed to be, with a lot of waiting time before we could board the flight to Iloilo.. so i sat there with Alvin playing his guitar.. and we were sharing stuff and the Holy Spirit was in our midst... that's when it happened..

Al started playing "cry in my heart" on his guitar and we started worshipping there and then in the midst of everybody at the airport and Holy Spirit ministered to me.. very soon, there i was sitting at the terminal weeping before the Lord.. then He began to show me several things during that time of worship... I saw God chiselling a way the stone from my heart and He was doing a healing work.. And He showed me how i was like a pearl in a shell before Him... how He treasured me and valued me.. in that time of intimacy, He showed me how He's not like the kind of angry vengeful vindictive God who's always out to get me... and He was showing me again concerning the music gifts He's given me.. How can He give me a gift and i not enjoy it.. cos He wants me to enjoy the gifts that He gives too... There i felt His love, His assurance, His intimacy and closeness with me.. and i was just thankful for that time...

And so we boarded the flight to Iloilo and landed at the new airport.. it was soooo much better than the old one but sooo much more further from civilisation... so when we finally got to Iloilo city, it was dark... (it gets dark there pretty quickly).. then we had to do our "holy shopping".. that is, shop for more logistics for the children's camp... so we went down to SM supermarket and bought lots and lots and lots of items.. (you can see the cartloads from the photos).. probably the cashier hadn't seen anyone buy sooo many items or even spend so much in one go.. cos children camps need lotsa children things.. prizes, sweets and all that stuff and we were deliberately overestimating the number of children that would show up just in case cos it was better to be overprepared than underprepared...

At SM City, i felt glad to be back... as i surveyed the faces of the locals, i knew that God was about to pour forth His Spirit upon them.. i knew that someday, they'd be packed in stadiums worshipping Him, hearing His Word and seeing His power demonstrated in their lives.. God began to open my heart and he began to show me how He needed a dreaming place.. someone who would dream His dreams for Him, with Him.. someone with whom He can share His dreams on earth...

We had dinner at Max's :9 together with Tito Joseph, Tita Jane and Tita Joy... during dinner, i stumped Alvin when i told him that every guy in Philippines is called "Brad"... i then proceeded to demonstrate it by calling one of the waiters "Brad" after which he responded.. hahahaha.. and Alvin couln't get why... hahahaha.. so i told him i'll tell him after we were back at the hotel..

Four Seasons hotel has changed a little after our last stay.. for one, the nice little restaurant serving a nice variety of food was no longer there any more.. instead there was a Bachoy place... i was showing Al that cult tv channel of this guy who thinks he's the messiah and thinks that paradise is where his home is at in Davao... and they "do church" very much similar to how we do it.. i even saw a girl on that channel singing "I could sing of your love forever"... tsk tsk tsk...

Day 2
Ate some Batchoy for breakfast at the hotel before we proceeded to the city church.. it was a sunday so we were supposed to teach sunday school.. and when we arrived, we were greeted by Mai Mai and her warm smile.. it's been a really long time since we last saw each other.. that smile widened and cresendoed into a fuller laughter when i brandished my blue duffel bag and requested for a pair of pliers upon the lock that we may gain access to our logistics inside.. she found out about the fact that in my hurry to leave the house, i brought the wrong set of keys with me..lol..


so we started children's church... i immediately recognised Elton and Boy Boy.. i asked them where was Froilan and they told me he was at home... oh but the both of them were still cute... we had a very entu bunch.. when we taught them the steps and actions to the songs, they were very enthusiastic in joining us and we just had fun there doing the actions with them... then Auntie Mavis led them in memorising their verses and presenting it in a creative way and they were quite happy to do it... it took up a lot of time and before Auntie Ivy could share her lesson, the adult service was already over and the children had to go back.. Auntie Ivy told me she expected the service to be longer... So after the service, i went to talk to Cutie and Roanne.. Roanne looked more grown-up since the last time i saw her... she told me she played the guitar now.. actually she was supposed to play for service but she came late.. :P then Cutie was there too.. there was some sort of pleasantness about her.. i watched her play the drums and she did quite well.. she told me she was taking music education in college so she knew how to play a number of instruments.. she's really talented!

After service, we went straight to Robinsons where we had lunch at Jolibee... we saw a number of interesting t-shirts there with interesting captions.. one was something like "video games ruined my life but i have 2 extra lives" and another one was "i used to think i'm indecisive. now, im not sure" Auntie Ivy, Al and I spent some time rummaging through those t-shirts.. we also brought back some Ensemadas and Cinnamon Rolls from Red Ribbon bakery and some doughnuts from Mister Doughnut. Then we went back to the hotel to pack up before we moved to the campsite in Dumangas.


When we arrived at the campsite in the afternoon, some of the kids were already there running around all over the place. I recognised some of them from my previous visit and they recognised me too. Spent some time surveying the camp site and saying hi to them... and i was just there observing them, i noticed how they were ready to love people, how easily they'd trust and give themselves over to people cos that's all they have.. unlike singapore kids, they dun have all the creature comforts.. and one of the things God was showing me was that the Body of Christ is one.. and when we see members of the Body of Christ in a totally different culture, a totally different socio-economic bracket living totally different lives are we still able to see them one with us? Are we still able to see them part of us? We need to be extensions of His hands and feet and our love has to be a practical love.. as our gospel is a practical gospel... the kids were there needing lotsa love.. and they were just sooo open to receive that.


Interestingly enough, i saw Boy Boy and Elton dragging a shy little Froilan in my direction.. and the shy little Froilan was resisting them, obviously trying to avoid me... no doubt he probably has heard from the two of them how i asked about where he was earlier that morning.. and perhaps having not seen me in a long while, he was too shy to approach me.. i remembered how he gave me a hug the last time i was there and told me how he would miss me.. instead of waiting for the other two to be successful in finally dragging him to me, i took a few steps in their direction and said hi.. :)


That evening during the first session, the kids went wild when Auntie Ivy led them to dance.. they always do... And they were just sooo carefree...especially and including the boys.. on some sessions, they'd even go to up to the front and dance in front of everyone! It was quite a sight.. and the experience cannot be compared to me simply telling of it here.. That evening, it was also my turn to deliver the message.. and it was sharing the gospel through the story of the watermelon.. and i was amazed at what God did that night and the number of souls that were saved.. perhpas for some parts they'd look fidgetty, disinterested, bored... but the Holy Spirit moved them anyway and when the altar call was given, they went up the front fully aware of the decision they were making... i thank God that He was in control as always and that the kids were just soooo primed and easily receptive to His message! :D

Then we had time for art and craft.. and they were even so excited at what we were doing though it was relatively simple.. and many of them were really proud of their work.. we almost didnt have enough materials so different groups made different stuff.. some groups made the paper crane which was like quite advanced for a lot of them that they took some time to learn how to do it.. but in the end we had a fruitful day and everyone had fun.. :)


Day 3
After breakfast and dancing in worship, Auntie Ruth opened the theme with our first lesson on Elijah... after that was the memory verse followed by the some more art and craft.. this time, everyone made masks and some loved their masks so much that they wore it even in later sessions! But it was interesting to see how creative they were in crafting their masks.. some really came up with very beautiful pieces!

Then we had lunch... and they served us coke!!! Coke never tasted soooo good.. i seriously think the coke in Philippines tastes better than the one in Singapore.. or maybe its just put in the context of a warm Philippine summer... anyway, all our meals were great.. if ever i should get married, maybe i'll send my wife there to learn how to cook...


After lunch, we went to prepare for games! And everyone was sooooo excited.. because there was a baptism at 4pm we didnt have enough time to play all the games that we intended to but they sure enjoyed themselves.. they could hardly contain themselves and it took us a little while to get them all settled down before we played the first game.. the first game was about the group collecting the most seeds from a watermelon.. when the ppl checked with me earlier that the watermelons i requested for them to get were for games and not for eating, i was met with a slight pause in our conversation and then i understood the issue, the cultural boo-boo that we've made.. it was my mistake in setting up that game altogether cos the ppl there are soooo not used to wasting food unlike the ppl here.. to them, food is precious and they dun go about wasting it as such.. but there was such a spirit of grace in that place that there wasnt even an issue that rose out of it... and so we carried on with the kids obviously enjoying themselves...


The next game that we played was the telematch.. each team member was supposed to spin himself around a roll of newspaper and then grab a bite out of an apple dangling in midair and then retrieve a white piece of Mentos among a pile of flour using only his mouth.. they really enjoyed themselves with this one.. they went wild, their faces white with excitement, white with flour... and the children really looked very cute as they were chasing the little apples around dwhich were dangling by a string.. when the game ended, those who were wise enough and quick enough helped themselves to the dangling apples...


The last one involved each team dressing their representative in newspaper armor... each team would receive a set number of water bombs (teh bags) and the objective was to be the one with the best armor left standing.. those with nicer armors won for themselves more bombs to attack the opposing team with.. and so you can imagine the riot that this caused us... one team was smart enough to hide their representative behind a tree and the other groups missed him altogether.. everyone went wild pelting each other with water bombs.. and they had such deep respect for us that not one threw a bomb at us.. (the only one who deliberately sent a bomb in my direction was alvin tay but even then he missed :P) so after everything else, since now everyone had to go check out the baptism programme (cos some of the kids were getting baptised too), some of us stayed back to do the cleanup... and my oh my what a task it was... As with every time chris is involved in the planning of games, two things will always happen 1) the games will somehow involve some food in one way or another 2)there'd have to be a great cleanup at the end... thank God that we weren't alone in that...


The whole games thing was quite tiring so i took a little nap late in the afternoon cos i was supposed to teach during the evening session. After that, i went back out into the session hall to join Alvin and Cutie who were preparing for the evening. Apparently we were gonna have live worship after the action songs and Cutie was gonna lead us in the songs while Alvin and i played the instruments.. i took up the Roland keys that VIP left behind for them.. and i loved playing on it once again, especially after Salem Chapel switched to the new Korg with hard, stiff keys... So we practised with Cutie and she sings really really well.. she even sang us some of her own compositions... i told her that if she ever dropped by Singapore that we should like do a recording with her... she's really talented and anointed!

That evening was very eventful. After dinner, i was to lead in the action songs and the crowd of children was brimming wild in anticipation.. there were kids all around me.. most were in front of me but some were behind me, obviously enjoying themselves in all the dancing.. and i felt that we can learn something from the kids in all that wild abandon that they have in just enjoying themselves in the Presence.. they dun religiously try to get into the Presence.. they just come as they are and act as they are... and just being yourself pleases the Father in ways you couldnt imagine.. as the first few beats of "My Redeemer Lives" echoed through the sound system, bright, excited smiles broke out among the faces of each of God's beloved.. of all the songs and actions we taught, they seemed to like that one the best.. and Auntie Ivy did a brilliant job in choreographing it!

Then we prayed and Cutie took over... i took up the Roland as Alvin did his Ovation. And we worshipped God and we worshipped Him and we worshipped. Though some of the kids were obviously restless, we continued on and the glory of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit was sooo thick in our midst. Then Auntie Ivy began to minister to the kids immediately during the worship and got some of the teachers to do so too... by this time, the Holy Spirit had taken over and overtaken us.. we didn't have to do much.. i didn't even have to teach that night!! we just stayed with His flow in worship... many of the kids were crying and weeping in the Spirit as God stirred them and worked in their hearts... and they just couldnt stop! A good number of the boys wept and wept... and some put their hands around one another to comfort them and they wept and wept even more.. God was doing a work of healing in our midst!

As the Presence of God intensified, we met with some warfare... all of a sudden, the power was cut off cos of the blackout. It was pitch-dark, the Roland stopped working, the Amp died with the mic and other electrical equipment, the Ovation went on, thogh it was considerably softer without being amped up... And a din arose as the children were arrested by the sudden blackness and let out a few screams at the beginning... there was some commotion.. a few of the parents came from their session hall to "collect" their children while some used the silent glow of their handphones to provide a bit of light. There was some commotion and confusion (which was perhaps unusual cos the locals should have been used to frequent blackouts by now...) and which further meant that our war was not against flesh and blood as much as it wasn't with faulty electrical equipment. The teachers tried to get people settled down but it was hard getting their atention. But Alvin played on! And we weren't just about to give up...

Instinctively, i began binding all the plans that the enemy made against us... and in that darkness, i went to the children in front who were seated down and i asked Alvin to accompany me with his acoustic... I asked the children "Can we worship Jesus?" And i was met with a resounding "Yes!" and i asked again "Can we sing to Jesus?" and again, their voices resounded "Yes!"... Perhaps their responses were the first few signs of corporate order as the others on the fringes would begin to look towards us to see what was going on... Holy Spirit was in control... and we joined together.. over the mountains and the seas, Your river runs with love for me so i will open up my heart and let the Healer set me free... and we sang.. and we worshipped.. we worshipped on handphone battery and candlelight as God began to restore order... once again, the music (or lack thereof) didn't matter... the problems and surrounding circumstances didn't matter.. what mattered was that we gave our heart to Jesus.. and as we focused on Him, as we lifted our eyes to Him, as we delighted in Him and as we began to lift His Name up, we were claiming victory even before we began to see it... and after some time, the lights came back on to the tune of I could sing of Your love forever... and the people resounded with a quick cheer on what God has done and we continued worshipping...

Cutie went back to the mic while I went back to the Roland and we continued... the children were still getting touched by God and the Holy Spirit was still moving.. no weapon formed against us had prospered... Cutie sang a few other songs, some of which were in Hiligaynon... and as good as she sounded previously, i think she sang those songs better than English songs.. cos apart from the intonation, the local language was closer to their hearts and they were more used to it.. the children even sang louder.. She sang the Hiligaynon version of "You Alone" and it was really touching (i think it was better than the English one)! But beyond the heart-rending sound, the worship was heartfelt and passionate and sincere...

As the Holy Spirit continued to move, it was like an atom bomb had exploded in our midst... i felt that there were chariots of fire coming down even as i knew that there was literally open heavens upon us.. there was just such a free access to God... i knew that what we would present before Him that evening would be heard and answered quickly because of the open heavens.. whatever problems or hardships we petition Him with... when a congregation experiences an open heaven, we must know what to do with it and how to access God through it so that things are not left the same way again... and even after the adults had ended their session, some came by to worship with us cos we were not done yet... and God touched some of the adults too and ministered to them.. Though there were some children who were beginning to get restless, Auntie Ivy asked Mai Mai to tell them that if they wanted to go off they could but those who wanted to stay and carry on worshipping could continue and a good majority of them stayed back in the Presence... That evening, something broke open in the Spirit as God opened His floodgates... He was doing a new thing to them... In the history of the childrens camps that the compassion ministry kids had yearly, this was the first Spirit-filled camp where they experienced a Holy-Spirit breakout! I was contented to be worshipping at the keyboard where the Sovereign Lord began to deposit things in my spirit...

I heard the words "unveiled faces" and it was God speaking to me out of 2 Cor 3:18 about worshipping Him with an unveiled face, not coming to Him in pretension or putting up a front but coming to Him just as i am... He was changing my identity there and then... I was moved when i saw Jesus with His nail-pierced hands.. He was asking me to give Him control of my spiritual and moral life.. He gave me the verse that unless the Lord builds the house, the labourers labour in vain... Which means that unless He takes control of my spiritual walk, then the things i do to better myself will be in vain.. I saw Jesus holding a lam and He said "let Me be a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path" and I responded by telling Him "Strip everything away but leave me with You"... And the Holy Spirit spoke to me inside and showed me that even as i was willing to surrender, that i would experience a resurrection, His resurrection power in my life. I also saw Jesus holding the reigns of my heart and Holy Spirit showed me the work that He was doing.. that Jesus was founding my heart, my life upon the seas and establishing it upon the waters (Ps 24:1-2)...

After we ended that night, i was really thankful for what God had done the whole day... how we saw Him move and how we ourselves were moved and touched by Him... there was a marked difference in the atmosphere that evening.. deep inside i knew that Holy Spirit had done a work...

Day 4
That morning after breakfast, Auntie Yim Toh wrapped up the teaching on Elijah.. i didn't have to teach my part cos of what happened the night before... After Auntie Yim Toh had finished, Cutie, Al and I were back on our instruments for Round 2... we worshipped again and the presence of God fell again.. the young children were touched by God again and they worshipped and stood still in His Presence weeping before His holiness... and this time we needed to minister to the teachers so the local teachers and the helpers were anointed with oil and were prayed for! They wept and wept even as God began to deal with them and minister to the inner issues within their hearts... as Auntie Ivy gave them indiviual personal attention and spoke and prophesied into their lives, it took quite a while...

some of the children in front were becoming restless so we sang a few more songs and just rallied them to worship even as God was ministering to the adults.. and some children who were sooo deeply touched by God stayed and tarried in the spirit of worship with tears streaming down their lovely faces... each one was precious... finally when the time came for th young ones to be prayed for again, this time, it was the local teachers who ministered to them and they were again deeply touched by God's awesome power, by Holy Spirit moving among them.. some of the boys who were getting restless and had stopped crying started again... it was lovely seeing God move among them.. :)

At the end of it all, we gathered them and presented to them their goodie bags... we sang out final songs even as we had to break camp that afternoon but no doubt, an indelible impression was made on their lives and as the Holy Spirit maked them as His.. this was just a start in their preparation for Jesus' 2nd coming as they're no doubt gonna be part of the army company that's gonna usher in His return!

After we broke camp, several of us did different things... Auntie Ivy and Alvin went back to the hotel.. Auntie Ivy slept while Alvin came back out and went to Robinsons.. I went to SM city with the other Aunties and left them shopping.. i went around on my own for a while but din see much to buy except for a polo shirt... then i met Tita Lisa, Tito Boy and Ate Pikey for fellowship and to talk over pizza... the size of the pizza we ordered was beyond the size of anything i'd seen in Singapore that i had to take a photo of it.. but i didn't eat much cos i ate a good deal for lunch while i was at Dumangas... and besides, we still had dinner with Tito Joseph and his family...

Went for dinner that night at this Inasal chicken place near the hotel.. the food was really good... and we ate really well... Mai Mai, Tita Jane, Alvin, Auntie Ivy and myself were at the same table sharing stories. we had a good laugh over several things, one of which was Auntie Ivy and Mai Mai trading experiences of dealing with naughty kids.. and we all listened to Auntie Ivy give an account of me and how i was (not) dealt with when i was naughty in my sunday school days... i also had fun playing with little Kimmy.. throughout the entire camp, i've been trying to play with her but she always shies away from me.. but that night seemed to have broken the ice and she was in quite a good mood.. she would come and disturb me over at my table and i'd go and play with her.. she's sooo cute lah... i carried her and took her over to see the live chickens and she was sooo amused by it and by me imitating the chicken sound that she tried making the chicken sound too... that was soooo cute... after the warm fellowship, we went back to the hotel.. we had to wake up early the next day cos we had an early flight..

Day 5
Spent most of the day travelling... we headed out from the hotel as the sun was coming up (believe me, it comes up really really early) and we went to the airport early.. we checked in and left again to eat breakfast at the cafe.. so we had our final time of fellowship over our meal until we had to go in... apparently, we took our own time at the cafe that we were the last ones to board the plane.. and they even had to call our names and page us through the public address system to get us up there... and since my name was the first one on the list when we checked in, it was my name they paged several times.. :P and so we rushed up there and they were kind enough to wait for us... after a while, we were well on our way back to Manila and from Manila to Singapore...

At changi airport, i was soooo starved from the budget flight that i eagerly devoured a few-day-old cinnamon bun i had saved from Red Ribbon.. uncle peter fetched us and we ate lunch and he sent us home... all in all, there was one thing that i kept echoing concerning the mission trip...

THE TRIP WAS TOO SHORT!!!!

mabuhay! :D

Knowing You

Today was a great day... I took a walk in the afternoon (which didnt become much of a walk cos of the rain that poured in)... and i ended up getting kinda stranded in a bus stop near my place and as i was just there talking to God, i was lamenting before Him how i haven really been spending time with Him.. I've been spending too much time on TV or on the computer and i haven really been spending time in His Presence.. and He was just showing me stuff about the way i see things.. and one common mistake i've made in seeking Him is that many times i think that there needs to be such a thick, weighty Presence before He's around.. many times, i think that the only times when he's really there is after i've spoken enough in tongues and the atmosphere is charged and i'm crying or yada yada yada... but actually that's not true.. cos He's there all the time.. He's been there from the very beginning.. and if i should think that He has to conform to a certain form before i know He's around, i might just miss out on Him altogether.. He was showing me that all i have to do is believe that He's there and acknowledge Him... And many times, in seeking Him, we make it out to be soooo complicated... He was showing me how i can spend time in His presence just doing the mundane and simple things as i go about doing my own business throughout the day, not necessarily having to spend myself facedown in the glory as some might imagine... in fact, i can be in the glory right now and look absolutely normal... doing things that look absolutely natural...

Den afterwards i went to park myself at a cofeeshop... and as i was just sitting there, i was pondering again the height from which i have fallen in lacking that simple love and intimacy with Jesus... how in the earlier days i would go to prayer meetings cos i wanted and expect more of Him and really expect His Presence... and how bold i was then to just dance before Him without inhibition... how free and carefree i was in the Presence of God.. and how i would deny myself the opportunity to sin just for the very fact that i love Him and that i was thankful for his grace and forgiveness... of late, within me there's been a great desire and a holy frustration... a longing for something more... and the song Knowing You came to me...

All I once held dear, built my life upon
All this world reveres and wars to own
All I once thought gain, I have counted lost
Spent and worthless now, compared to this

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing
You're my all, you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love You Lord

Now my heart's desire is to know You more
To be found in You and known as Yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life
And to know You in Your sufferings
To become like You in Your death my Lord
So with You to live and never die

As I was meditating and singing this song in my heart at the coffee shop, i was moved by the Holy Spirit... Then as my mind shifted to something regarding church, He said, "This is a start of a new thing. Will you catch it?" Then i heard Him in my spirit saying "I am in you, you are in Me."

Den after i ordered my lunch, i came back home... as i was about to eat, i was torn again whether to switch on the Tv or not... and this time, i didnt.. instead, i decided to listen to a sermon i downloaded online sometime back.. i didnt know what it was about and God just outsmarted me with the message... it was on the Wild Ox anointing from Psalm 92... and it was like God answering my prayer cos a few days back, i was asking God for the exact same anointing!! And God honours me denying the Tv some time and spending time listening to the sermon instead and feeds me with the very thing i was looking for! And there i was eating my chicken chop, with the glory of God, the Holy Spirit moving in my living room.. and the anointing hit me and there i was weeping in the spirit with the chicken still lodged in between my teeth.. and God arested me there and then.. (He loves doing this kind of stuff... especially when i'm eating.. i remember it was a piece of bacon the other time)... oh but it was wonderful...

Then in the evening, i went to church and we had another round of MSG activation to sharpen our ability to hear from God... and during the time we were supposed to still ourselves and listen to what God is telling us, i saw the ground with many pebbles by the shore.. and half-buried beneath these pebbles is a golden chalice, encrusted with all manner of precious stones all over... and i felt that God was saying that we're not meant to be washed up on the shore.. we're meant to be in the palace! And those pebbles represents all the words thrown at us by people.. all the words that try to tear us down, that try to make us think we're worthless... but in this season, God is recovering the buried chalices underneath all that that He may bring them into His palace where they rightfully belong!

Then we had a time of just hearing God and releasing words for one-another... and the words that were released by Auntie Mavis and Auntie Emily over my life were very accurate and i was very ministered to.. I could feel the anointing coming from Auntie Mavis when she was speaking and it was very refreshing.. and what Auntie Emily spoke over confirms the wild ox anointing that i was asking God for... i really feel very blessed today!!

One more thing that came out of today's prayer meeting was about how God was asking us to spend time seeking Him.. and we're starting from 6am this sat morning... it's also about paying the price to see Him move in our midst.. actually God already put that in my heart.. i din know that He would put it in other people too and mobilise an entire company for that purpose... so guess what.. if some people can wake up early just to run, why cant i do so to pray too?? :) i know that i'm not the marathon sort like some ppl so im gonna do something im good at and comfortable with... so if anyone wants to seek the Lord with all of us, that's 6am every sat morning!!!

God bless! :D

Revival SAVvy

yesterday i sent a messge to Rena and she replied me today...
Me: I just remembered a prophecy that james singh said over me... About seeing people from my school runnning into the house of God... And something about it starting with worship... And it hasn't come to pass yet... And i'm wondering... Will i see revival in sa in my lifetime and be part of it??
Rena: Haha... So many prophecies abt dis generation ushering in e 2nd coming! :D 4me, i'm gng 2mobilise my cell grp to pray 4SAV! :) abt revival starting frm and in chs, so many prophecies have been spoken ovr our church recently. It's all confirming ea other. Praise God! ...

And it seems that within me God is birthing a vision for revival... and when it comes, i wanna be at the centre of it.. i know that God has a portion for me, an inheritance over at SAV and that's why He's connecting me to the ppl there and is putting in my heart a desire and a vision for His Spirit to be poured out there...

And i believe that the revival that's gonna start from there.. there wun be room enough to contain it.. The Lord was showing me how it's gonna start from there like a wave.. and it's gonna impact the whole of Singapore... i see that because of what's happening there, the government leaders are gonna listen.. they're gonna start wondering at what God is doing in that little plot of land in the opposition district! And they're gonna pay attention...

God was teaching me about how Jesus is central to the message of revival and evangelism.. we need to get back to that place of having Jesus at the centre.. cos what has happened is that when we talk about revival, we talk about everything except Jesus.. we talk about the numbers.. the vibrancy.. the jumping up and down.. the healings etc etc... But when we pray "let Your kingdom come, let Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" we know from Revelations 4 and 5 that in heaven, God is at the centre of the throne and everyone cries out worthy is the Lamb... and the same cry needs to resound on earth with Jesus at the centre, and with both new believers and old christians experiencing a new revelation of Jesus as the Lion, the Lamb and the Bridegroom King! On earth as it is in heaven! It should be like that on earth, with Jesus at the centre!!! For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things. In Him we live and move and have our being. He is before all things and in Him all things hold together...

And the reason why the church is so powerless.. the reason why the church doesnt see souls saved is because of the simple fact that we dun make Jesus the centre.. we get so caught up in our own agenda and we get so tied up in getting in the numbers, in being the "best" church (if there is even such a thing)... Jesus said that if He be lifted up from the earth, He will draw all men to Himself.. and the reason why we dun see all men getting drawn to Him is cos we become sooo busy lifting ourselves up instead of lifting Him... We need God to cleanse our motives before we see revival so that we dun end up spoiling it or trying to control it...

With the CHS worship camp still fresh in my mind, i've been pondering this and a few things... honestly i really feel at home with the pointers.. even perhaps more at home than in Salem...i dunno why.. maybe it's the freedom, being without guile... the openness... being transparent.. having no false fronts.. the closeness of friendships they have with one another... they really have a good youth min going for them... and yes, to say it again, i'm jealous... but i guess another reason why i feel so at home there is because if God would send me to SAV as my mission ground, he'd connect me to the relevant people and there would be a sense of affinity, a sense of closeness and a sense of covenant friendships in the Spirit that would manifest outwardly...

oh but anyway there was one more thing that i noticed among them... and that was just the freedom to move, to operate in the Spirit and minister to God and to one another.. they dun need official roles or titles but they just go... and i believe it comes with Rena's anointing as a Deborah... Deborah was the one standing in the background but she called Barak to lead Israel into war... And that's what spiritual mothers do... that's what Deborahs do.. they are able to stand in the background and give their people the freedom to take the lead as and when the Spirit of God moves them.. and through that they learn, they are raised up.. they grow in their passion and anointing even as they experience God using them.. through that, they are not inhibited by status, roles or titles but they just move... and truly if they're not leaders officially, they sure are dynamic in the way they minister to one-another... and it takes spiritual mothers to just stand in the background, provide the guidance and the covering and just allow them to move... they may make mistakes but so what.. that's how they grow.. and even by standing in the background providing that support, that's how they raise up leaders and free them in the calling and purposes that God has over thier lives.. and that's where potential leaders would dare to move, dare to take risks and dare to take the first steps until they are comfortable operating in their giftings and anointings... i remember that that's how i learned under Rena.. and its something that Soj as a ministry needs to recover.. if not, the younger generation wun learn and wun dare to step out and step up... God promised me in a dream before that i would sit on the Palm of Deborah.. (in the Bible, that's where she held court).. that means that i would tap into the same Deborah anointing that Rena has to raise up the next generation... oh God give me wisdom!!!!

Of Saxophones, Violins and Magic Horns...

Had a very interesting weekend so i shall blog about it...

Friday
Met Gideon, Lele, Jon and Abel in church again to prac for Word explosion... and it was the first time that i actually heard Gid play his saxophone... and he's really quite good and talented and he picks up the notes and the fills quite quickly :D!! well what do you expect cos my dear Giddy is the next band major in his school!!! hahahaha... im so proud of him... i'd like to hear him play that saxophone for worship...

den i stayed back for Gatekeepers and it was only Nana, Auntie Lee Noi and myself... oh but the presence of God was really strong and when we sang Enter In, i saw doors being opened in heaven and i saw Jesus there with His sceptre... and the overall mood that we entered into was warfare and it felt like God was preparing and raising up His army and charging us...

It was also during Gatekeepers that i realised that the reason why many of us leaders are so tired in the ministry sooo easily is because we have left that place of intimacy with Jesus.. let's face it, the fact that we're in leadership in the first place was because we spent time seeking Him in intimacy.. but somewhere along the way, we got so caught up with the doing, doing, doing... with the running around here and there and all that problem-solving that we left that initial place.. the secret place.. i guess that we can't do anything out of our own strength and it's time for us to return.. :)

Saturday
Word Explosion day!!! practised with the bunch a bit earlier for our item and den we still had some time to quickly cram Romans 8:35-39... oh but God din waste even that time of cramming cos He showed me something new about the verse too and gave me an assurance.. that neither our present circumstances or even our future failings and mistakes can keep us from His love... cos we're in His hands... :) and it also paid off when it was our time to recite it out.. and i'm sooo proud of Gideon cos he managed to recite both passages and win that bonus Mp3 player...

We put up our item and i think it went pretty well... it was great to hear everyone cheering Giddy on for his solo... though we din get first or win the Mp3s, it didnt matter at all cos we had fun clowning around during all those rehearsal sessions and saboing one-another... :P:P:P Anyway, i think my team did a great job... i must really thank them.. they put in a lot of hard work and effort.. Jon's timing on keys was great... and his faithfulness is evident in the fact that even though he had a great deal of assignments and school stuff to keep him occupied, he still made time and effort to come down for the practices.. Abel did a great job of internalising his parts, no matter how confusing they were and reaching even the high notes.. and no matter how tired he was from school, he still came down to prac with us... Lele played the cymbals and chimes well and tastefully and he came in at appropriate places... that little boy is such a great encouragement to me, even more than he knows.. his purity, child-like simplicity and his zeal for God puts me to shame and spurs me on as well.. even in his little gestures like serving all of us drinks during dinner that evening.. really warms my heart... Gid no need to say lah.. he very pro one... and he went out of his way to retrieve his alto sax all the way from school especially for the Word Explosion event.. :) (hey guys.. if you happen to read this, pastor ban told me on sunday that he may get us to put up the song item again one of these days so get ready.. :P)

And i hope that the song touched whoever listened to it... haha... Jaron told me it sounded like a disney song.. and Linus' mother enjoyed it and asked me for a copy of the lyrics.. i wanted the song to minister to ppl, even the lyrics, especially if they're going through trying times in their lives and need an assurance of God as their Shepherd.. :)

The dinner was great.. i think CJS catering did quite a good job.. i like the roast beef and the chicken the best and the punch din taste diluted at all.. :P too bad i wasn't in my perfect eating stamina... anyway, during dinner with my group, i was suddenly inspired with where to put Abel in my Sojourner Chronicles blog... for those of you following it, watch out for his special appearance as a talking cucmber.. hahaha.. lol... though i guess we still have quite a number of episodes more to go before he appears.. :D

Den after that, a whole bunch of us went to watch Prince Caspian.. actually i wanted to watch Indiana Jones but its too old already and there weren't any timeslots that evening.. so we went down to AMK Hub...my word explosion group... Jon, Abel, Gid, Lele and we were joined by Jaron and Nana too! :) Lele wore his GAP hooded jacket and he really looks very very cuuutteee in it!!! It was also the 2nd time that Gid was watching Narnia but he loved it so much that he decided to pay $10.50 to watch it again.. lol.. i loved it too.. it was sooo much better than the first one.. there was lots more action and all.. and the story spoke to me too cos of certain things in my life that the Lord is dealing with... almost as how Peter and Reepicheep had to be dealt with in their personal egos, it's as how God is dismantling my pride so that i can come in brokeness before Him and seek Him and enter into a new place of my walk with Him...

Sunday
Went to church really early cos my Xiaomei was teaching me violin!!! Haha.. finally i got my violin out of that dusty old cupboard and brought it to church.. we spent a considerable amount of time fixing its strings and tuning it... lol.. and my Xiaomei broke her own string in the process (sorry bout that..) :P anyway, i have to get used to bowing without my upper arm moving around.. as well as bending my wrists.. not forgetting to mention that i need to get my finger positions sorted out.. oh but at the end of that short lesson, i managed to play twinkle twinkle little star and i guess it wasn't so bad for the first day... hahaha... must practice more.. it seems easier than i thought... or did i speak too soon?? :P Anyway, xiaomei, if you're reading this, thanks for teaching me!!! Really appreciate it!!! :D

was teaching in children's church so i didn't go down for service... but anyway, i felt that i wasnt really prepared for it but by God's grace i managed to deliever it in a more interactive way.. this time we had a only small group so we sat in a circle.. and the session was much more informal but probably more effective cos i feel that the children were more engaged with it.. really thank God that despite my own feelings of inadequacy, He came through for me nonetheless.. :)

anyway, with part of my mind still in Narnia cos of the movie the night before, i realised that Sarah from childern's church really reminds me of Lucy from the movie.. her quiet demeanor and her simple child-like qualities.. :)

Oh and something funny happened in children's church.. during games, Jon decided to play "Simon says".. now remember that the game goes such that every time he would say "Simon says", then everyone must carry out the action.. and i was introduced to a new terminology that everytime he would say "Sally says", then everyone is supposed to do the opposite of what he would say... and so Jon led that game for a while and then something occured to me that later sent Jon wildly laughing... i realised that Uncle Simon and Auntie Sally are married!!! :P:P:P

den went with serene, shawn, sam and martin to try out the cafe at thomson cc... it was ok lah... not as good as i expected.. prolly cos maybe they ran out of brown sauce and had to replace the sauce for the chicken chop and the mashed potato with a deceiving concoction of ketchup, water and cornstarch (of course it din fool me.. :P).. but other than that, at least the mashed potato was fresh and not those instant powdered kind... maybe i'll be merciful and give that cafe a 3/5... :)

cheers! :D

Beholding Him: CHS Worship Camp 2008

Came back from CHS camp on Thursday night and i was too tired to blog lah... but it really was a very enriching camp and God really had a purpose for allowing me to crash it.. It was just a great time of soaking and being in the presence of God.. :)

It was raining that morning when i made my way to CHS but i prayed that the rain would stop as i got to Potong Pasir so that i could walk to SAV and it did! Found my way to CHS and there was Rena and Ben and their youth.. i must say that their youth is quite friendly, very open and teachable... they dun put up false fronts and have hidden agendas in front of each other.. and seeing them is like me stepping into a time machine and seeing myself and the misait girls in the days of old when we were still under rena.. there was soooo much freedom in the atmosphere... the youth were so excited and vibrant and God was teaching me something about their simplicity and readiness to take God at His Word.. God was teaching me something something about their child-like spirit that i knew i've departed from... God was teaching me from their willingness to "just do it" and worship God not caring about what other people think of them... mommy rena, i really take my hat off to you... you've taught them well... in a little sense im jealous.. jealous that i'm no longer a regular recepient of your ministry... and also jealous that we dun see such things happen in our midst anymore on a regular basis as when you were around... rena, PLS COME BACK... (this is my blog and im gonna say whatever i want...)

speaking of freedom in worship, i saw some guys dancing with the tambourine... uninhibitedly... i even saw one (GLOW and his admirable "garangness") teaching some other girls how to dance with it... and i saw another (J.Pan) dancing spontaneously in the Spirit during one of the sessions... and watching them dance like that with such freedom shames me cos i've not been dancing like that for a very long time.. even when i dance, i would still be kinda conscious of ppl around...Just watching the youth as they were showed me the height from which i have fallen.. i've fallen out of such freedom and child-likeness and pure simplicity in passion and faith in God... God bring me back to that place of freedom!!!!! oh.. and i later learned from Rena that Boys' Brigade is now introducing a tambourine badge!!! They're gonna get a badge for going for tambourine lessons.. now that's a first... :P

Ooh.. and i also met someone who's like a girl version of wesley (Cassandra)!! :P they both have the same face, the same build and the same expression.. :p plus the fact that they're both picking up drums and have the same expression while playing it... :P darn i should have taken a photo....

Ok.. here's what happened during the sessions:

Session 1
During the worship, i was just undone before God cos i heard Him calling me "friend" and i know from John 15 what it means.. for Him to acknowledge me being in such a place of intimate standing with Him despite all my still-ongoing imperfections and weaknesses just defies all the "order" of my prefectionistic thinking... Then Andrew comes and preaches again on "Passionate Ppl".. actually i've heard it before and some of them also from one of our WMD Sessions.. (even the slides were the same.. there was the slide on hello kitty.. but there were some extra ones like the slide on Rain..) oh but anyway, the time of ministry was great... when i was up at the altar, God was showing me to come to Him in that place of emptiness so He can fill me.. cos many times i think i know soooo much.. and since i've thought that way, it actually prevents me from knowing Him more... and experiencing Him more... and even seeing how the CHS youth were sooo child-like, without any guile, pretensions, hidden agendas or putting up fronts... God was using them to expose my proud, arrogant heart so that i can come again before Him and be filled... and it was funny how He did it... He even sent a guy (YJ) to correct me on how to do "full gospel" on the tambourine!!! and there i was thinking i know so much about worship dance and i couldn't even get the most-basic-that-its-the-first-thing-they-teach-you right... well God offends you so that He can get to your heart...

While i was at the altar during the first session, God was also showing me how i need to love Jesus all over again.. and how i've forgotten to love Jesus... He was also showing me how my vision is too small and i prayed "let me be Your dwelling place, Your dreaming place" cos i want to dream His dreams.. my spirit was telling Him "give me a vision for my generation" "i need the glory of God for my generation" my heart was telling Him "i wanna dream the dreams that You dream".. i realised that many times, i go after the glory of God.. i love the glory of God.. i talk about the glory of God.. but at the end of the day, it's also not an end in itself.. cos He wants to use the glory of God to reach me generation.. and i believe that's the missing part of the equation.. and that's why many times, the glory of God doesn't come.. God was telling me more about this during session 3..

God was also showing me how the anointing was precious.. cos at first, i want experiencing His touch as much as i hoped to during the first session... but as i pressed in to seek Him, He was showing me that it was a test to see how much i value the anointing cos to the degree of how much i treasure it and desire it, to that same degree i will press in to obtain it...

God also showed me a picture of a key in my heart.. and he showed me what it was for.. it's a key to build relationships with ppl, with anyone i want.. and God knows that indeed im gonna need it...

Lunch
We went to the nearby coffeeshop and i ordered chicken rice (how exciting!)... and i got to know some of the youth better... very interesting bunch.. some were saying that GLOW reminded them of me and that we looked a like.. ok though maybe im kinda reluctant to admit it officially, i do think that he sorta reminds me of myself when i was younger... and to see him as he is was almost again, like a reminder of my departure from that place of simplicity and child-likeness... anyway, we played the "i am going from here to here to here, where am i going next" game... as well as the "guess the number on your finger game" haha and some gave up and couldnt get it...

I was there during their band prac and Jeremy sang this song "Divine Exchange".. the song is qute nice.. and the lyrics also spoke to me (though i kinda found the terminology a bit awkward and jargonish..) :P yes, im a harsh song critic... and some ppl remark how i "kill" songs just by some comments i mention about them... :P i saw charissa dance and oh my my she's a really good and talented dancer.. though they've only been watching videos from Shachah, she can hold it out pretty well... :P and watching the bunch of them dance with the tambie, i saw them execute some patterns that i used to do but i've forgoten about... (yeah.. that's why i say, the trip to CHS was really like a trip down memory lane..) also got to have a long chat with rena in the afternoon... had dinner again at the coffee shop and i followed GLOW and Jeremy in ordering this mexican grill thingy..and yeah, it was as nice as it looked.. that western stall item was like a rare pearl upon a messy dressing table... regretted that i din order it for lunch..

Session 2
Andrew shared more from his testimony and personal life experiences.. some stuff i haven heard b4... he shared about destiny and calling.. and during the ministry session, he anointed ppl with oil and laid hands on them and prophesied into their lives... and he also prayed for me and confirmed some stuff that i received from God during the mission trip and during church camp.. about God wanting to take the driver's seat in my life.. i also saw fireballs coming down during the worship and even during ministry, i saw one of them hit me... hahaha

after the session, i heard the Holy Spirit say "I do and always will love you" and i'm just so thankful for His words of love and assurance...

during the debrief that night i was just amazed at how transparent everyone was to share about their own lives and what God spoke to them and what God was doing in their lives.. they were just so bold and open and i kind of wish to see the same thing in my own youth where ppl are not afraid to share about their own lives during LG... and also how they dared to hear God and to release what God is saying to them and their ministry... and i somehow wish that ppl in soj would catch that same thing too...

that night i slept on the couch outside cos i didnt wanna sleep with the aircon.. and it was kinda a bad move os the couch was hard and there was this small little clicking sound that i heard in regular intervals.. it was minute but audible, amplified by the stillness and emptiness of the hall... din know where it was coming from but couldnt really sleep cos of it.. it was quite irritating.. come to think of it, i think it may have been from the water dispenser right next to the couch...

had breakfast at blk120... where i saw YJ devour 2 bowls of kuay chap and 3 boiled eggs... i had some congee... and i finally realised the difference between that and porridge... and come to think of it, much of what i thought was porridge that i ate in the past was actually congee...

Session 3
The worship was good.. i saw the whirlwind of the Spirit come into the service and when we sang Alabaster Jar, i saw the fire coming down... then, Carissa opened the time to release anything they felt impressed that God was showing them and a few ppl came up.. and it was just nice to see the freedom and the boldness that the youth had in coming up to the front to release what God has spoken to them.. and the fact that they dared to even try is commendible enough... again, it's something i'd also like to see happen in soj...

during that time, i also felt that the Lord was saying that there's a revival well in CHS and that the next great move of God, even in sa was gonna start from there.. it's gonna touch the other two churches in the campus, the campus itself as well as even the nation.. i felt that God was gonna give them a place of influence in the nation.. even as somehow, i sensed that SAV was gonna be an apostolic hub... and from there, i kinda wondered why God was showing me all that, and i realised that it's another confirmation of me being in sa to teach.. cos i'm gonna be part of the move of God there... and that's why of all the ppl from Salem, i was the only one who crashed their camp.. it's cos God has given me a purpose and an inheritance in that school and He's connecting me even in building relationships with ppl for His purpose... so far, i've received two other confirmations that i'd go sa to teach.. one was from Kelvin Yau and the other was when Pastor Ban was driving down CTE... well if God should want me there, he's also gonna open the doors for me to end up there...

It seems that the flow was carried forward even when Andrew changed his sermon to talk about evangelism and reaching out to the lost... He even shared a personal testimony of how someone comitted suicide without knowing the Lord... and when he gave the altar call for us to put our hands over our eyes and prayed that we may see as God sees, God was just dealing with me... the presence of God was sooooo strong..

At the altar, God was showing me how self absorbed i was.. even in the things of God.. and even going after the things of God for selfish reasons... and i was asking God to give me a burden for my generation and i believe that it's gonna start from a place of intercesion... just as what i sensed God put into my heart during the open heavens conference in jan.. den God was showing me how the church has wanted revival for the wrong reasons... such as seeing all those nice manifestations.. or seeing ppl jumping up and down and being so vibrant and having churches grow exponentially and yada yada yada.. without having a burden for the souls of ppl.. cos at the crux of it is God's desire to see souls save but it seems that we've drifted so far from His agenda... and right there at the altar, i was crying out to God for mercy for my generation and He was teaching me something about the glory of God and going before the ark of the covenant, in the Holy of Holies... many times, we love to seek His glory and just be in His presence beholding Him in the Holiest.. but the reason why the mercy seat is there is so that we can cry out for God's mercy for the people outside... again, that's the missing part of the equation that the church needs to recover...

And even as God was showing me how the anointing is precious during the first session and how much i should value it by pressing in for it, lives are precious too.. that we need time to reach out to people and to believe God for their salvation cos that's how God shapes us and forms His love in us... that's how He sees how truly comitted we are in seeing someone saved and how truly we value that person as an extension and expression of His love through us...

And God was speaking to me personally.. Jesus was saying "I've given My life. What will you give?" He was showing me that there's a price to be paid to see souls saved.. It was like He was also saying regarding my future teaching career "Are you willing to give of your time? Become so involved in their lives even if it hurts? Be woken up in the middle of the night to listen to their cries? Those 2 years are gonna be among the most trying years of your life?" what to do? just trust in Him that He will see me through it cos He wont give me anything beyond what i can bear.. besides, during that time, i asked for the cup of suffering and joy... God also gave me two words... "Abundant Grace"... and i believe that though it may be my most trying times, His grace and provision will be there and will be sufficient.. :)

Anyway, the ministry time after session 3 lasted very long cos we entered into a time of prayer, intercession and warfare even for the ministry and for the nation.. actually during the worship, i already felt that we were going into a time of prayer.. and as we were there, the presence of God was so strong.. i watched as God was using the youth to pray and even to prophesy over thier ministry.. and they would just be so bold and free to just take up the mic in front to release words and even pray.. in their simplicity and child-like faith... i really wanna see such freedom in our services too.. :)

Session 4
Andrew preached a simple sermon on "I'm not a legend, i'm a spaceship" and how many times, people put labels on us but God cancells that and changes the circumstances in our lives through miracles so that we dun need to live by those labels.. it was a short sermon but it spoke to me a lot.. and in the end, he gave a very unusual altar call that when we feel the release in the spirit, to declare those words "i'm not a legend, i'm a spaceship" out and God would break those hindering things from our lives...

after that, ben and rena also gave each camper a book... and den we all went for lunch.. we went to that coffeeshop again and i just couldn't get enough of that mexican grill thingy.. :P

went back for debrief and once again, was amazed to hear what God was doing in the lives of the ppl... and it wasn't like they were giving touch-and-go summaries of what they learned but they were really sharing what spoke to them during the camp and even in the personal things they went through... again, how i wish we walked in the same freedom and boldness to share our experiences with one-another in our church...

i stayed back until the evening where they had a band dynamics session with andrew where he would give comments for the band members and also talk about what he does with his own band.. and its nice to see how though some of them may not be that skilled, they are serious in worshipping God nonetheless... according to andrew, skills come last when they choose their musicians.. their character comes first... hmmm.. there might be something to that you know... when the session finally ended, andrew's fiancee fetched him and we finally got to meet her... den andrew told us how all the youth ministries also wanted to meet her... lol...

den GWONG sent some of us home... we took a ride in his car and we were all sooo packed inside... in fact, the car weighed so much that when we came to a hump, it actually scraped the car bottom!! so he actually had to slow down each time he came to one.. i had the undeserved honour of being the one to sit in front and also of being the first to alight... and it was really a blessing cos i read from earnest's blog that at AMK Ave 6, the car eventually stalled as GWONG was on the way to send GLOW back... come to think of it, i think i would have been amused at the entire incident should i have been there to witness it.. and i felt sorry for him cos he eventually reached home at 2 plus..

all in all, camp was great, met new ppl, made new frens, learned a lot, was really refreshed by God and challenged in His Presence... just a few final thoughts...

RENA, COME BACK!!!

THE CAMP WAS TOO SHORT!!!

Sunday Oil

Yesterday was a pretty interesting and eventul day so i think i'll blog about it.. the day started with me having some difficulty getting up to go to church.. and it was warfare on the bed cos i was just sick and tired of doing 'plain ol church' again.. cos deepe inside me was hungering after something deeper and i just felt so inwardly frustrated.. oh but no matter, i remembered that the speaker on sat youth service talked about some manifestation that was gonna occur during sunday's service and that excited me enough to jolt me out of bed and get ready for church...

When i was in church, Auntie Ivy told me that i was supposed to teach that day and i got a shock cos i haven't collected my lesson plan yet! Den she said that we would do art and craft instead.. cos apparently we were supposed to do that the day before but we were away at church camp so we didn't get to do so now, everything is pushed down by one week.. and in a sense im thankful for all that cos i believe it was God's appointment for me to be down for service instead of being at CC...

Dorothy led a wonderful time of worship and there was just such a freedom in our midst... then there was also pastor Barry Thornely from Australia. He had been our speaker in youth service the day before. One of the things that pastor Barry mentioned during his message on saturday that the Holy Spirit quickened to me was that we're not gonna see anything beyond what we speak cos what we speak reflects what we believe... on saturday he also hinted about something unusual that's gonna happen during the sunday service and i latched onto that wondering what was gonna happen.. well anyway, he preached on the glory of God, one of my favourite topics... and as he was preaching there i was in my seat with tears in my eyes cos i knew that that was what i was missing.. that was what i was longing and hungering after amidst all the seeming normalcy of church services.. and then he talked about seeking the face of God.. something that i've always wanted to do but i've not been actually coming down to doing it.. if i want the glory of God in my life and in my church, there's a price to be paid rite..

anyway, he talked about the move of God in his church and how God would show up in His glory with literal, tangible manifestations of gold dust and oil.. and even some other things that he 'wouldn't even talk about'.. (i went to ask him what these other manifestations were later on after the service and he told me about beautiful diamonds on the floor, rubies... and even feathers..) of course, we dun wanna get caught up with these external manifestations that we miss out on Jesus Himself.. yet when he shared, it resonated within me and articulated a desire within me of something more than just ordinary church...

and so when the time came when he prayed for God to show Himself in a physical tangible way.. and i was down there in my seat crying out to Him.. "do not pass me by!"... and then he asked us to feel our hands and see if there was oil on it... and i felt as if my hands were different.. it did feel like there was some slimy substance.. i wasn't sure but i acknowledged it anyway and when he came down to me to check, he affirmed it... and he went around asking ppl if they did too... (actually i found out later that a lot of people felt it and had it in their hands but they were too shy to acknowledge it... and sometimes that's what frustrates and disappoints me cos if the Holy Spirit shows up in unusual ways, we should have the boldness to acknowledge it like little children and give it a place in our meetings and even honour it.. cos honouring it means honouring Him and it gives Him a greater place to move in our midst... and if we wanna see more of this happening, then we've got to step up and not despise the day of small beginnings..)

and he got those with oil to come up and since only auntie janet, pastor ban and myself acknowledged it, we were the ones up there.. then we went into a time of praying for the sick with the oil that was in our hands and he called out a lady with a shoulder problem.. then he asked me to call out a condition that God wanted to minister to.. and i felt that it was someone with migraines.. and guess what.. nobody admitted to it! And then he was very encouraging in saying that it could have been right but nobody would dare to come forward or if i've indeed made a mistake, then i've made a mistake but it doesn't mean that i will keep making mistakes... Anyway, he did tell the congregation that anyone who indeed had migraines to come look for me after service.. And sure enough there was someone who did and i prayed for her... but looking at the entire incident, im thankful that she did not come up at first so that i learned from pastor Barry about making mistakes and how we should handle them...

And then he asked me to call out another condition and i said something about a leg problem.. den he asked me whether it was right or left leg and i said left.. den he asked me whether it was a man or woman.. i said it was a man.. and then the uncle came up for prayer and i prayed for him and he felt better.. so that was it... i'm glad i went for service, otherwise i'd have miss out on all the interesting things that happened.. and i was also glad that though i didn't have copious amounts of oil dripping from my hands but only a little substance nonetheless, i still acknowledged it though i wasn't sure... and true enough, God did something... oh and when i looked at my hands, i saw a speck of gold dust too.. it wasn't all covered in gold but the speck was cool even as pastor Barry reminded us not to despise the day of small beginnings..

and later when he spoke to me after the service, he encouraged us that if we should find such manifestations in our meetings, even if it's a little, we should tell the pastor.. and if he decides to move in it and do something about it, then it will grow... :) i personally think that we should learn to step out of our shyness and comfort zone and honour the Holy Spirit and what He was doing in our midst, even if it is an unusual tangible physical manifestation... though we may not be quenching Him by disallowing such activities cos we do not, we may end up quenching Him in a different manner... our lack of response, our lack of honour, our apathy in the way He shows up and moves among us...

Ok after the eventful service, we had lunch with Alicia cos it was her birthday.. and i was introduced to this place next to Thomson Plaza called Little Part 1 cafe.. and i never knew that that place actually existed.. the food's really not bad.. tastes quite fresh and healthy.. after lunch, i decided to go back to church to record Abel's part for Word Explosion so he can practice... and when i went to the band studio.. i chanced upon some of the Hokkien ministry people who were practising for their recording! So as i stayed with them, auntie Jenny offered me the use of her laptop and microphone to help me record the part.. and it was truly God-sent and His perfect timing cos i had originally planned to record that part in my PDA but it was almost full.. and the quality was also not as good.. so thank God for providing even the recording equipment.. with it i managed to do everything much quicker and clearer.. :)

i stayed in church until i ripped the recorded tracks onto the com and sent them out to my LG for practice... and then i walked home and i was pondering how much i needed to spend time with God and my lack of intimacy with Him.. and then i felt Him challenging me into something...

Today's Walk

Walked home from J8 again today and spent some time with God and i'm just so grateful for that time cos of the things that he deposited in my heart.. He was showing me things about carrying the yoke of the kingdom and being in such a place of abiding in Him and bringing forth His kingdom on the earth... and He was showing me how His Bridal call is a call to such position of authority to bring forth His kingdom... and it's all about being one with Him.. having the same heart, the same will and the same desires.. His desires.. to bring forth the Kingdom of God upon the earth...

God was also showing me certain things on what to do with the Eagles.. being my first time taking such a group, i was kinda lost and i was just carrying a great burden before the Lord not knowing what to do and how to bring them up, especially with some administrative changes coming upon Soj ministry.. but then the Lord answered me and showed me the priority on what to do and how to build into them..

Thank You, God.. :)

Oh and btw... i'm very proud of Rayson for accepting a last-min assignment! Thannks for being ready in season and out of season! :D

Church Camp 2008

Gotta clear the cobwebs from this thing... had mission trip and church camp almost back to back... i think i'll post about the trip later.. since church camp is still kinda fresh in my mind, i think i'll post about that one first...

Day 1
i didnt forget my passport!!! the trip to purajaya in Batam was quite smooth lah.. the room was quite big and the beds were comfy and the shower was sufficiently hot.. :) it was comparatively much better than the camp in 2004 at tanjung balau... :P we had some time for team building in the afternoon led by uncle bala... i went back to the room after that and i wanted to go watch the TV but the Holy Spirit hijacked that time and i just spent a while praying for the camp and preparing myself for the evening service... then in the evening we had a corporate session... the Holy Spirit really moved among us and ministered in our midst.. during the time of prayer, Raja and Pastor Frank came and prayed for me... and Pastor Frank said some things that were really specific to my situation and what God's been telling me... i was down on the floor and the Holy Spirit really ministered to me :)

After that, the youth went up to the lobby for a karaoke session.. and a few ppl took turns singing some songs while accompanied by this live musician.. i went to sing too though i was somewhat uncomfortable with the idea.. and also cos my encounter with God was still fresh in my spirit and i din wanna retire from it so quickly.. but anyway, when i took up the mic to sing that duet with ray, i sensed that the mic was defiled.. and so i went back to the room and asked God for forgiveness, even if i should have stumbled any of the youth in the same manner...

Day 2
The morning session was taken by Pastor Frank while the ladies went over next door... Pastor Frank spoke about prayer and spending time with God and encouraged us to persevere in that discipline. there were several things that he said which spoke to me personally and one of it is pushing through in prayer even if you fall asleep halfway or something and not give up.. and also not to allow the devil to make you think that your prayers are not working.. After that we had lunch and Pastor Mary and some of the facilitators went to sit at our table and we got to talk to a few of them...

In the afternoon, we went shopping!!! i was kinda excited to leearn that Batam had a "Megamall" but it was nothing like that megamall in Manila.... the one in batam was about the size of j8.. maybe smaller... while the one in manila would be like around 8 times that size.. :P anyway had fun with Pangern and Joshua going around trying out stuff.. (yes, guys do enjoy shopping too u know!) there were lotsa things i wanted to get and lotsa things i was KIVing, especially from Matahari, the dept store cos things were really soooooo cheap.. part of me wished that i had brought more $ along.. :P there were some unkown brands here and there but the designs were not bad lah... and i have an unwarranted bias towards towards grey stuff... oh but anyway, i finally ended up with 3 things.. the most ex of the lot i got was biker's jacket! It's not exactly leather and all but it looks nice and i always wanted to get me one of those for fun.. and it wasn't very ex interms of sing dollars... then i got myself a long-sleeved shirt.. i figured that i need more of those esp with my attachment in july.. but in Batam it was nice and cheap, unlike what you get in Singapore.. actually i wanted to get more but i dun have enough $. The last i tem i bought was a t-shirt from the dept store.. and yes, it had grey in it... hahaha... Pangern took some time deciding whether to get a polo tee or pair of shoes (or both)... But the polo tees weren't that great.. they're much cheaper in Iloilo and the design is so plain that i guess you're only paying for that small guy on a horse logo... okok.. i think im talking more than i should abaout the shopping trip..

we came back and had our first track session in the evening.. i went for the MSG track- ministering spiritual gifts.. and though the theory part seemed a bit dry, the activation part was quite fun... we get to hear from God for ourselves and for our frens.. :) and the last activity for the evening was when we would write what God was saying for someone without knowing who that person would be! hahaha... and then the pastor would tell us who it is for... i remember that final activity cos i would try not to use gender-specific words cos i din know if i was gonna give the word to a guy or a lady... but the final round we did that, my spirit man was so stirred that i did use a gender-specific term for a guy.. and then i went on writing bold stuff about him... and guess wad... the pastor then told us that what we have just written is for ourselves!!! and i was going "i knew it! i knew it!" cos in my group, there was only one guy and that's me... :P and the things that we heard for ourselves and the things released really ministered to me lah...

The evening was really eventful... Firstly Auntie Elizabeth couldnt enter into her own room cos Isaac had double-locked the door and not even the staff could open it... so we spent a considerable time banging on the door, pressing the doorbell, ringing the phone, blowing a whistle... but Isaac proved to be immovable.. we could hear the TV on inside his room and we reasoned that he probably dismissed all that commotion as part of the programme or maybe part of his dream perhaps... it lasted so long that by a long shot, we were already (not seriously) considering to sound the fire alarm or activate the sprinkler system! Finally, Pastor Ban was called and he attended to the situation by continuing to ring the phone.. finally Isaac answered and opened the door... Pastor Ban and Auntie Jasmin, in their concern, left their room to check on the situation... Then they themselves were locked out!!! When the hotel staff brought up the key to open the room, they brought the wrong one, so they steyed there for a pretty long time, enough to see the blackout and a few young people make their way to the hallway to check on the situation.. in the darkness, someone even put on her shirt backwards... it was pretty amusing though we would not discuss who it was... the blackout din last long though and soon, many were snoozing away...

Day 3
Continuing with the MSG teaching and activation, in the morning we played several games and one of it was that we were to take turns prophesying over ppl seated on the chairs in front of us.. and i really thank God that the words really flowed out of me.. when it was my turn to sit on the chair, what people released over me really ministered to me.. When Raj spoke something about ministry, i started crying... and then later Auntie Mavis comes along and released and builds on the same thing.. and den Auntie Janet comes and releases some encouraging promises...and Dot comes and gives me a word of assurance... and it all ministered into my life.. (sorry if i cant rem who else said what but i remember these ppl cos what they really said really spoke to me heart)

The other games were quite fun too and ppl were quite accurate, like what Auntie Ruth (Ong) said over me during the time we were supposed to give pictures and den make a connection... but what really proved to be very interesting was when we played "queen of the rotating wheel" where we are supposed to release words to ppl whom we don't even see (cos our eyes are closed and they just come to us when it is their turn for us to speak over them)... first, it was my turn to receive words so i went around.. and what ppl said over my life were quite true.. when i came to Auntie Ruth (Chua), she talked about peace and also bout me having God as the Father i never had (she doesnt know that it was me..).. and den Auntie Janet comes along and builds up on it and talks about God as the Father i always wanted.. by that time i could feel the anointing coming and i was in tears... den Ben comes along and releases a picture that describes what i was going through... den i also remember Gerald give me a picture that conveys what God was doing in my life and also confirms my decision in ministry direction. Den Auntie Sheila releases a kind of a mild rebuke lah.. of me not spending enough time in the Word.. which was so true.. and i know that it's really God's word to me for the season... these were some of those that really ministered to me... den it was my turn to be the one giving the word at the rotating wheel... and one of the interesting things was that though i din want to release gender-specific terms again, for one person i did (though i dun know if it was accurate or not... it'll be quite funny saying to a lady, "the Lord says to you, My son...") and when it was my turn, the words flowed and i thank God for that..

At the end of the morning session, i received a personal prophecy from Pastor Aow which really confirmed what God has been speaking to me.. he also spoke about seeing a deep well which was exactly the same thing that Ben released over me.. Den as i went out of the session hall, Pastor Mary comes along and den further affirms me and says some stuff which were pretty relevant to my life and walk with God.. so i realy felt encouraged..

During the afternoon session, we learned about the Word of Knowledge and how it operates and also tried practicing it... though we still released stuff, it was harder to flow in the afternoon cos ppl just had their lunch and we were feeling kinda sleepy.. haha... but anyway, it was still good.. since it was the last night, i decided to make the most of it by sleeping right after the afternoon session ended and bathing right before the service started so that i wun fall asleep during the service.. and in fact, i was wide awake also cos of the presence of God and my inner man was alert... There was such a freedom and liberty during the worship, even as God was teaching me once again to behold Christ and be transormed in His likeness... Pastor Mary came and asked me to pray for her and she encouraged me and told me to sharpen my gift and even write down the things i receive in a journal and review them.. God spoke to me though the sermon too, which talked about perseverance...

Then in the evening, the youth retired to JK's room for a session of Taboo and food.. it was kinda fun and filled with note-worthy moments... statue of liberty... darth vader.. and all... we didnt sleep too late though.. most of us were pretty tired so we went to bed at around 1 plus...

Day 4
Most of the youth were still reeling from the late night that when i came down for breakfast, most were still not yet down... we had our last MSG session for the camp and we even got to release words to our facilitators... i really thank God for both using me and ministering to me though the sessions.. what was a highlight of the sessions was truly the body ministry and for the youth and adults to hear each other's heart and struggles and even get to pray for each other, even in bringing about a sense of unity between the generations.. it's really as God turning the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers... really thank God for the facilitators as well, not just in devoting their time and energy but also in their patience and affirmation.. :)

Pastor Ban ended the camp on a high note by telling us to create good memories for ourselves.. and i was really ministered to in the camp even as it truly was a memorable one.. the food was not that great but ok lah.. but i enjoyed the sessions.. even those times where i got to pinch a couple of ppl, pray for a couple of ppl, play with janan and a couple of ppl, etc... even in writing cryptic messages on ppl's bathroom mirrors using either english or bad malay grammar... well, all in all, i feel....

THE CAMP WAS TOO SHORT!!!!