Feeling Alive?

Today i woke up in the morning, dragged myself outta bed... i've been on study break the past week, which almost seemed like a prelude to the holidays that'll be coming.. my activities have been eating up into the wee hours of the morning, the reason for my inexplicable body clock... i needed to wake up relatively early today... after all, it was the first day of exams.. haha... and due to the very nature of my body clock programming, i was reluctant to leave my bed.. so when i finally did, i got myself ready to go to school.. there was probably still some measure of drowsiness on my way to the bus stop.. I wasn't really nervous or anxious.. rather, i still felt kinda stoned out... so as i was strolling to the bus stop, i was praying and telling God that i needed to "feel alive"... be careful what you pray for...

I got to school and i did what i needed to do... print notes in the library, collect GEM Position Paper, etc.. i was left with slightly less than an hour before my exams were scheduled to commence... from the very start of the day, i was already looking forward to a nice lunch at spinelli at university hall... on the other hand, my exam venue was sheares hall which was kinda like on the other side of the planet.. there was something in me that knew that i shouldn't be going spinelli.. the rain clouds had gathered, it was even drizzling a little, exams were going to start relatively soon... but guess wad.. greed got the better of me.. i rationalised that i still had some time before my paper would start.. so i happily made my way to university hall to have my lunch...

Upon arriving there, i saw that there were not so many people.. i proceeded to make my order.. i knew that they'd take some time to process it but i thought i had enough time... then, more and more people came into the cafe and stated ordering and the staff got their hands full having to process everyone's orders... time passed quckly.. i grew impatient... the start of the paper was fast approaching.. i waited and waited, growing miserable on the inside... i looked for someone convenient to blame, which was not difficult considering that there was the staff with their sleek black apron busily working away... everytime i visited the counter, just to "remind" them with my presence, i would be met with the same gentle response, nicely asking me to take a seat first while they processed my order.. i was really anxious.. as calmly as i could, i told them that i had a paper that was about to start at 1... it wasn't their fault really.. beef stews take time... but by then, the rain was falling terrifically and i was stranded somewhere in between the stew and my bad attitude... though i threw no tantrum, inside of me was a confluence of negative emotions, being pressed for time, impatient, wanting my food there and then... i knew i was responsible for getting stuck in such a predicament.. but it was definitely more convenient to channel such emotions at the cafe attendants...

when the food came, i managed to force a smile out.. which was not difficult, considering the fact that the object of my longing had finally reached my arms.. i ate as quickly as i could.. and it didn't help that the stew was piping hot.. the cold drink i had ordered did.. but it brought about such a confluence of flavours in my palate that i couldn't really enjoy my meal to its maximum potential.. added to this was all the negativity inside of me that had not yet subsided... i told myself that that was the most horrible meal that i had.. not so much to say anything about the stew's quality but because of the experience of having to eat it, pressed for time and being in such a miserable mood...

Once i finished, i bolted out of the cafe and headed straight for the main road, hoping to get a taxi to sheares hall, my exam venue... (imagine hiring a taxi just to get you from one part of NUS to another!) In a short time, i did get into one but the heavy rain had already managed to wet me significantly.. I then directed the taxi driver to the other side of the university.. but when i reached my supposed destination, i realised that it wasn't it! I didn't read the map carefully and i ended up in the wrong place.. not knowing how to direct the taxi to the right one, i got off.. and i started running.. right there in the middle of a downpour.. i didn't know exactly where to run, but exams were gonna start soon and i knew i had to run somewhere! So i managed to get from where i was, to business faculty, down an obscure flight of steps, to a few buildings in the distance, i then shot straight down a pathway for about more than a hundred metres before i reached my eventual, correct destination... (Afterwards, i found out that there was a shorter route that i could have taken and i could have easily directed the taxi down that path)...

The interesting thing was this... while i was running around the campus in a frenzy, getting drenched by the rain.. the thought then hit me... i sure felt alive now!...

So eventually, i reached the exam hall just as the examiner was reading out the exam rules, everyone else already seated.. my heart was still beating fast.. i never got so much exercise in a day before! i would have been heavily panting if not for the splendid silence in the exam hall, upon which my heavy gasps for air would have been noticed.. but it didn't matter cos my table was right in front.. and i could have been sure that many eyes were upon that drenched fellow making his way right front from the back entrance... :/ to top it all off, i had entered the exam hall wet and without a jacket... and nus exam halls are notorious for being the north poles of asia... Having said all this, it was interesting that now i was far from miserable! In fact i was relieved and thankful! thankful that i managed to get into the exam hall in time... being cold and drenched didn't bother me.. i pleasantly thought that i had 2 hours to dry in that air-con room! I was also quite amused... God really does have a sense of humour...

Talk about reality check.. there's nothing like a humorous lover God who knows how to put you in perspective.. through this incident i learned serveral things:

-that some things are just more important...
-that there are consequences to disobeying the still small voice of the Holy Spirit guiding you on the inside, while following the voice of your stomach...
-that your attitude makes a difference in determining whether you're gonna eat a good meal or a horrible one...
-that prayers are not always answered the way you expect them...
-that there's nothing like a storm to awaken our hearts...
-that God puts storms in our lives to push us to the right perspective... He uses them to interrupt our negativity and self-pity... maybe our outward condition may then seem worse than at first but on the inside, he uses them to cultivate thankfulness, temperance and character.. and shapes our destinies, even as He gets our eyes on the things that really matter...
-that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.. :) The coldness and the adrenaline rush probably did help in pumping blood to my brain and keeping me alert for my exam! Talk about a blessing in disguise...

In the end, the exam went well and i felt His peace there with me.. In the silence of the exam hall, i was even aware of songs in my spirit... :) God does know how to take care of His children! God bless! :)