Slacking...

Today i had nothing to do the whole day... in the morning, i felt impressed to go to church early and so i decided to go and check out who was there and maybe try to find something to do... and apparently, today was the day that Uncle Philip decided to print copies of the camp booklet for church camp :).. and guess who else was in church.. Auntie Jenny!!! she was there to help him too.. and as we were waiting for Uncle Philip to finish printing the actual master copy, i had a long conversation with Auntie Jenny.. i got to know a bit more about her life, her ministry.. her passion for Jesus.. and all her amazing testimonies of not just about how God provided for her recording projects but also about her walk with the Lord.. and it was really encouraging to sit there and listen to her life.. and it really put me to shame cos many times i think i know so much.. but to hear the testimony of a person really living a life of faith really challenges me and humbles me... even to listen to her share and impart her life...

And speaking of thinking i know so much, i've been experiencing this period in my life when God is really emptying me out and teaching me how to really rest in Him and really rest in His love... in fact, when i was at a special meeting recently, God was speaking into my heart how i think i know so much and that's why He needs to empty me out so that i can be more full of Him.. knowledge puffs up but love builds up... and if even my spiritual pursuit is getting in the way of knowing Him, that too, i must lay down.. i felt like a person who's been so puffed up with my own pride, spirituality and ego.. and what God's been doing is stripping all that away... He's been showing me that the way that His throne is gonna be established in my life is through me depending on Him, living a life so needy of Him and just leaning on Him and trusting in Him, being vitally connected to Him and abiding in the Vine..

Who has more? The person who has Jesus and everything else in the world... or... the person who only has Jesus and is stripped of everything else?? God has been teaching me that even if everything is stripped away and i only have Him, i'm better off.. cos having Him means having everything.. and He wants me to know the blessedness of how it feels like to only have Jesus and being content with that... and in Singapore, being like that is almost like a badge of honour... Being poor externally but being rich in Him... He's showing me how restless i've been without good food.. but He's also been showing me that He's the Bread of Life, far better than all food... He's also been showing me how foolish i've been to try to get my worth from external circumstances, by being proud of how i'm validated by the things i do and all that.. it's all sooooo foolish.. cos He's teaching me to rest in His love.. He loves me just for who i am.. and just because He loves. Period. the fact that He, the God of the universe, would love me enough to lay His life down.. it elevates me far beyond what i can accomplish through my own hands.. being loved by Him.. i'm so undone with that honour to utterly despise myself for having turned to other external things to validate me... rubbish...

God have your way in me...

p.s. oh by the way, i'l be going away for mission trip until this wednesday.. meanwhile, pls pray for the team.. al will be there too.. pray not just for all the usual like covering and divine protection which are already ours by covenant.. but pray also for a mighty move of His hand upon us.. May Holy Spirit visit us and may His unbridled floodgates be thrown open and release His manifold graces and the tangible expression of His presence and love upon the Children in Iloilo.. God bless! :D