Lessons from the Blade and other stuff...

Wah... it's been like forever since i posted on this blog ever since i decided to get a new fantasy blog.. like my mind's been at it very often almost like i live in it.. and yes, it's been very hard studying with my head constantly drifting away to Aletheia.. but thank God He gave me such a wild imagination anyway.. now that i've finished my first story arc and i'm not quite sure which story arc to write about next, i decided to update this one and clear the cobwebs while i still can...

Went roller blading at east coast park during labour day (yes i know my posts are waaay overdue)... and as i was there trying to find my balance and *somehow* try to learn how to blade again, it seems that the Lord was teaching me a few lessons through the experience.. One of it was to keep looking up and ahead of you and not look down and expect that you're gonna fall.. cos that's true in your spiritual life as well.. if we trust in God to keep us from the evil one, we mustn't look at our past failings and get stuck thinking that we'll most likely fall away again, that it's no use trying to pick urself up...and keep looking to ourselves and lose sight of the world around us.. truth is that God wants us to enjoy life and take in what's going on around us but if we dun look up and we keep looking to ourselves and getting scared and worried at our propensity of falling, we wun be able to appreciate God and the life that He has for us.. and if we keep on looking to ourselves instead of trusting in Him and moving on, then all the more likely that we'll fall... but God calls us onwards, to keep our head up and our bearing straight.. He wants us to learn how to mount the winds and glide with Him..

Another lesson i learned from blading was not to measure yourself by other ppl's standards.. cos when others get farther ahead of you and you start trailing back, then you feel left out and you try to go faster than what you can bear for the moment.. and cos of that you might just end up with a slip and a fall... but at the end of it all, what counts is not how fast u go or whether your ahead of others or not.. it's all about the experience.. same goes for this journey of life.. at the end of it all, what matters is if we have learned to trust God to lead us through and keep us and see us all the way to the end..

Last Saturday i led worship in Soj service with a guit for the first tyme! The one during youth camp in dec din count cos it was just me playing, not in a band... Martin couldnt find anyone to replace him, and i just sensed that i should try and wl with a guit this time round... and really obedience to that small prompting of Holy Spirit really paid off... i borrowed Alvin's guit and after the whole experience and the Holy Spirit coming upon us like He did, i really enjoyed the whole thing.. in fact, i was like almost addicted to playing and leading worship at the same time that i did it again for new team that sun.. it was very different, and somewhat kinda easier than leading with the keys.. all these years i never really tried doing it cos i thought that i'd fumble with the chords or find it hard to multi-task, play together in a band or like not be able to concentrate and focus on God's presence and leading worship.. oh but God broke through all that and it was great! It really pays to trust in Him!

I remember that i dreamt once some time back when i was in jc of playing guit and leading worship at the same time and i was super distracted with the chord progressions (which included bars btw)... and den the backups in the team were like singing out of tune or offkey or smth and i couldn't really focus or worship.. But the congregation worshipped God anyway.. passionately... and through that dream, God was trying to tell me something.. like not to get so caught up in the technical stuff and the externals... but just learn to focus on Him.. i remember the song i was singing and playing in that dream.. it's from the "Worship in Zion" album:

Pour in, pour in
Pour into this piece of clay
Pour in, pour in
Lord pour into me today

For I long to be Your servant
To submit my will, to obey
Fashion me into Your likeness
And direct and guide my way...

It's a simple song but it's v. nice and meaningful... :)

Recently, i've been pondering over the meaning of life... i mean seriously.. And i was telling God that surely, there must be something wrong if a Christian has to ask "Is there more to life than this??".. but that's what i've been feeling lately.. God's been dealing with my heart and i feel that i've been living for myself, even doing ministry for myself... aand God allowed it for a time until such a time when He wants me to move forward and grow in maturity.. then He was showing me my heart and how i had wrong motives even in serving Him in ministry.. i've been doing it to try to prove myself.. to somehow gain some form of standing.. maybe approval, even attention.. cos in my lonely world shaped by my upbringing, it was like i've always been trying to prove myself to gain a sense of acceptance or something.. but God's moving me from that.. He wants me to move to maturity.. and so even though i'm in a time when my spiritual sensitivity seems to be more hightened and even my spiritual gifts are like advancing, He's starting to cause me to feel the lack of meaning even in seemingly spiritual things... cos i've been very self-centred in the way i've been handling them.. almost like when a good father gives good gifts to His children, God has given me these spiritual gifts and i've really been enjoying them and playing with them like toys.. i'm not saying that they're toys cos they're far more precious than that, they're a revelation of God, a part of Himself.. but God wants me to move over to maturity already... that's why He's starting to help me realise the lack of meaning in my life in doing things in my own strength... I told God that living for myself is far too small... And lately i've been seeking Him for practical steps on how to have more of Him... If Jesus paid with His blood so that we can live His life on earth, and if we live anything below that level, then He's not getting what He deserves and in a sense, it's a mockery of the very precious price that He has paid for us... It's time to come higher...

Today i spent a good time of prayer and i was seeking God cos i wanted to know the love of the Father. .and God told me that He has not left me and that He was always there.. And as i was there, weeping and undone before Him, i was repenting of how i've doubted His love for me... And He was showing me how His love and favour is upon me, like how His face is upon me even wherever i go.. almost like how the windows of heaven are open right above me and He's looking down at me every moment and a tangible realm of His love and blessing is available for me to access into wherever i go... It's like every step i take... every moment, every breath... it's a new revelation and experience of His love waiting to unfold.. every day... and i don't want to miss it.. no matter where i go.. whether i'm in school in church, wherever, He's right there and that realm of blessing, that realm of favour, because of His great love, is open right above me... and i want to walk in a daily awareness of that.. it's a call to a progressive walk with Jesus.. that every moment and every step, i'd love Him more and more.. my relationship with Him will go deeper more and more... i believe that if people really get to know that and receive a revelation of that in their lives, they will start to live an overcoming life!

God bless! :D