Letting Go...

In this season of experiencing the dealings of God, God was showing me yesterday evening that a lot of the things that i do in mny areas of my life are about trying to maintain control.. and they were all ordered around the fear of losing control... He was showing me that in my relationships with people.. how i relate to them.. He was showing me that in the way i carry myself in ministry. He was showing me that in the area of my studies that when things seem to go out of hand then i find myself troubled. Even in my finances... In many things in my life... I've already posted a lot on letting god take control recently and it seems that He's really dealing with me through and through on this matter... but what alerted me most, when God made realise it, was the fact that this control even extends to my relationship with Him!

What? Me control God? Or atempt to do so? How can that be??

The way i relate to Him in my prayers... it seems that instead of using praying to draw near to Him, as a way of cultivating relationship with Him, many times i use it to present to God a list of things that ineed Him for... not that that's wrong in itself but it's an immature concept. Many times, i become contended just dropping my list before God and going on and on without really knowing His heart and knowing Him more... many times, i think that if i don't pray, God won't do anything.. but the fact is, God is already at work even before i open my mouth.. Many times, i narrow prayer down to an aggregated concept: i put in prayer A, and therefore, i should get result B... it's a form of control.. i expect God to work within my ability to pray Him into situations.. i expect God to work in response to my words without counting in His desire for a relationship... Even when i confess my sins and ask for His work in my life, i've been so deceived as to think that He won't work unless i ask Him to but the fact that i'm confessing already means that He's working! And by the cross He has forgiven and all i have to do is accept that! The terms are not mine- they're His! He doesn't want us to pray out of fear but out of desire...

Ironically, operating like this takes the desire out of me.. makes prayer boring, religious and repetitive.. doesn't produce a new revelation of Christ cos prayers that come from the flesh can't produce a revelation from heaven! Takes the joy out of ministry, takes the love of praying out of the most earnest believer.. prayer becomes merely like clocking time, kinda like those sessions you spend in the library during period's when the teacher is sick and the relief forces you to stay there...

Let's talk about surrender.. even when i surrender to God, i surrender from a position of control.. What I mean is this.. "God i want this done so i surrender to You" in effect, i'm still saying that i'm the Boss... When i ask the Holy Spirit to take control of a situation, it's because i want Him to do something in that situation, so i give Him control... and hope that my praying will produce something.. and this pattern of praying is dead, boring and just takes the life and relationship out of the equation.. what i'm essentially saying is "Holy Spirit take control because i want You to do this, this and this..." It's not true surrender.. it's surrender within a given perimeter..

But guess wad.. prayer is for Him to take hold of us.. for Him to change us and replace our desires with His desires! When the Holy Spirit comes upon us, it's Him who takes hold of us, who possesses us, not so much because we possess Him.. He's God remember? When we operate in the gifts, it's not so much because we possess them as much as we are in Him! Who's bigger? He wins hands down! And if ever we should surrender, it is He who works in and through us that gives us the supernatural grace and enablement to die to the flesh so we can live for Him...

God, change my paradigm.. remove all this deceptive ways of how I've seen you and teach me to trust You more, knowing that You're in control whether i give You control or not. In Jesus name, Amen.