Control

Woke up early this morning and had my sleep disrupted cos my tummy was giving me problems.. Hmmm... interestingly since i couldn't return to sleep properly i decided to take out the 40th anniversary mag to read again and as i was looking at the church photo, my eyes were drawn to the small company of children at the bottom.. it was like one of those God-moments where you know that God would do something in your heart... and then i felt the holy spirit speaking to me something like "Your committment to them must be like my committment to you"... and i kinda understood what He was saying.. that i must believe in them and see their dreams raised as far as possible and not give up on them.. cos Big Daddy's committment to be is top class.. and mind you, i've done some really naughty things.. but He's not prepared to give up on me... So i responded at that moment and asked God to make me a father to the (children's church) kids as Uncle Jem has been a father to me... and then the Holy Spirit showed me how it's not easy.. you know that fathers also do a lot of dirty work? like cleaning up after children if they still dunnno how to relieve themselves in the toilet properly... it works as an allegory.. i might have to clean up after some.. so it's not easy.. but i meant what i prayed and i believe God will give me the grace! :)

I went back to sleep and i just woke up a while ago.. God gave me a dream this morning and i want to blog about it while it's still fresh in my memory...

We were having some kind of camp.. like a youth worship camp or something and if i remember correctly, it was entirely planned by the 2nd liners.. at first i was kinda flustered because while some went out of camp to get some logistics stuff, i was looking for *someone* and the rest told me he'd gone out with them... (when i asked why, i was told that he went out to buy a toilet roll cos we're supposed to bring that along.. but he ended up mistakingly bringing a pack of plastic toilet seat covers...)

-_-" ...

Anyway, the camp included people from all over the place with guests from other churches.. I saw the sanctuary that we were using.. it looked kinda like our sanctuary now but it was different.. it seemed bigger, the lighting looked better, etc.. There was even a girl's school who sent an entire contingent down for the event (St Margaret's if i remember correctly.. though the uniform looked very different) and there were so many of them that we removed an entire section of chairs for them to sit on the floor... The place was packed and people were moving all around. I was quite surprised at the number of people that came for the event, young people.. There were interesting kinds of people all around too, with their own quirks... We invited CHS over apparently.. we had guest worship leaders and one of them was from CHS.. when i was talking to him, he was asking whether the mic can be affixed to a mic stand.. apparently, he wasn't used to leading worship without a mic stand.. then i saw one of the backup singers who looked like he came from China.. he got too carried away with his singing that the mic head actually went into his mouth...

You're probaby laughing rite now as you're reading this.. in my dream, there were lotsa things that were going on and to have so many people in an event is not only possibly mentally and physically draining but may also be a potential source of frustration.. cos so many things seemed to be going on at once and many things seemed to be hapening all around and it's easy to get lost in the mess and worrying about what needs to be done...

What caught my attention was *****a* who sat in the sanctuary even before the event started.. he wasn't caught up with the things everyone else were.. but alone, he was just sitting there, praying and seeking the Lord. Like Mary, he chose the better part. He was seeking God, choosing to spend time in the presence of God and praying... Later i saw Auntie Lee Noi just talking to him in the sanctuary, presumably ministering to him.. and i was glad in my heart that he chose to stay there and spend time in God's presence early cos that shows how much of a seeker he is...

In the end, i stationed myself by the side near the stage and watched as the worship began. There were many backups lined alongside the worship leader, ******. I felt that it had begun prematurely cos there was like no formal introduction and all... But anyway, when the worship started and ****** opened his mouth to sing, it was like my thoughts were arrested. I was surprised to hear his voice like that so loud and clear, with resonance and even more than that, with authority. It carried character and stature that interrupted the thoughts, chit-chats and mess that was going on to command worship to the Most High God. Never saw him worship lead like that before. It seemed that he has grown not only in skill but also in stature... Then my attention was drawn from his voice to God and i started worshipping Him. His presence was there and it was so strong.. i started thanking God for his Presence and for showing up... that despite all the mess and all the frustrations and things happening all over the place, He was there.. and that was the one thing that really mattered. As i was getting lost in that moment of worship, all that running around and things going on around me didn't seem to matter anymore.. it's just me and my God...

And God was teaching me an important lesson through this dream.. many times, we worry about events for nothing. When He's around, that's all we need. The reason we worry is cos we always feel the need to remain in control... and when things dun go the way we expect them to, we get flustered.. but God wants us to know that He's in control. We need to learn to let go and surrender to Him. The presence of God came.. and i had nothing to do with it.. like i said in one of my earlier posts, it seems that the presence of God is strongest when i dun do anything to try to steer the circumstances and just allow Him to move...

What i saw in my dream... is this what revival looks like? Cos when revival comes, we may not expect how it's gonna look like... and it might get messy, things happening all around.. and it's easy to lose our focus off God and onto the mess or even onto the voice of the WL, or the manifestations of the Spirit. Let's get this clear.. we dun worship the manifestations, we worship Him. We have to return to that basic understanding of ministry if we're gonna help to steward the coming revival. It's so easy to lose focus and get caught up with the people and what's happening that we forget to choose the better part.. in all the spectacles of a revival, how many true worshippers will God find, whose hearts are really seeking after Him? :)

When revival comes, it's all the more important to lose control and allow the Holy Spirit to take over.. even if it offends us... even if there are so many things going on and things become "messy" in our eyes.. cos if we want to hijack the service to promote our own agenda, His holy Presence might just lift from us and the revival might die prematurely... i dun want that.. Furthermore, if we spend unecessary time, energy and resources trying to control things or to direct things to go our way, not only we'll lose focus but we'll be wasting resources on things that are counter productive and might even end up burning out.. that's why we need to keep our eyes on God and listen to the Holy Spirit and what He wants to do... so if we're all gonna learn how to steward the coming revival, we better get these principles right now cos revival may come at anytime.

Also, during a revival, many people will be around and you never know who you'll get. Some of them may come with their own quirks, insecurities, weird habits, etc... but when revival comes, we have to learn how to love them, receive them, and not to "other" them... not to isolate them but to accept them.. cos it's God who adds memebers to a church.. we can't pick and choose and if we choose to ostracise the quirky ones, we would not be good stewards of all those souls that God would give us...

Big church is nice. Great music is nice. Having many people is exciting. Anointed worship leader is good. But all these can never be a substitute for God's Presence.

Stay tuned! :)